Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Calling ALL angels...Please Help!!

I feel a deep desire to reach out and help our sweet cousins in their great cause to become parents!! Zach's cousin Scott and his sweet wife Stacey have been trying for about 3 years to have a baby. After the doctors told them they would have about a 1% chance to have one on their own they have decided to try in-vitro which is SOOOO costly and not even a 100% chance of working.

I feel anxious to help for several reasons.
1. Because they are our family and we just love them to death! Zach and Scott are the same age and have been buds their whole life. His sweet wife is SO perfect for him and I adore her!

2. My own sister Shana has gone through this same trial and has never had the chance to bear her own child BUT luckily she has been able to adopt 3 AMAZING children. Shana and I our 10 years apart so I didn't really understand and know (since I was in my selfish stage of life) what she was going through during the difficult time of finding out she wasn't able to have kids. Now that I am older, a mother, more mature, and compassionate I have talked with her about how she felt during this time and she said it is VERY difficult. She has explained to me that you go through the whole grieving process as you would a death because you grieve the loss of the ability to have a child.

3. I am a mother and I know how incredible it is to be a parent and I think EVERY person that has this righteous desire should have the opportunity...no matter what it takes!!! I think every woman when she has made the decision to finally have a child has had the fear in the back of their mind wondering if she will be able to. I know I did for sure! What is this was your dream and it didn't come true?? Put yourself in their shoes!

4. I think this kind of trial is a "silent" trial that is often overlooked in the world of trials. A lot of people don't share this type of trial they are having with a lot of people so it doesn't give people the opportunity to reach out and help them. With other trials such as a death, an accident, cancer, illness, etc. people often rally around the people going through the trial giving emotional, financial, and even physical support. But rarely do you see something organized and planned to help someone going through something like this...when really it is no different. It is a trial VERY real & VERY hard!! I am SO incredibly grateful for the love, help, and support that we have received through our trials and want to continue to give that to others!

So when we (and we just found out this week) heard that our sweet cousins have been struggling with this and have decided to try in-vitro on May 30th we wanted to help too!

SOOOO...how can you help?! There are several ways!!

1. They are having a yard sale/bake sale THIS SATURDAY April 27th to help raise money for the great cost of in-vitro. If you have ANYTHING at all you would like to donate or bake please contact me and I will come pick it up or do whatever you need me to do. If you can make it out to the yard sale and come and support them or just spread the word about it to others that would be AMAZING too!!! The address of the yard sale is 209 N 3000 W West Point, UT and goes from 8:30-12.

2. I am donating ALL of my profits starting April 22-May 22 from my spray tanning to them SO come get yourself I nice looking tan since spring is here and support this cute family!!!!

3. If you don't live near and can't do the first 2 or don't have the time you can send  ANY amount of donation to me and I will make sure to get it to them! Anything big or small that you could give would be greatly appreciated. If you can get it to me by May 22 that would be AWESOME!!! Contact me through email (tessie11@msn.com), phone 801-388-8223, or comment and I will get you my address!

If you would like to learn more about their story they created a blog. It is http://scottandstacy09.blogspot.com/

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We are all in this crazy trial of life together!!!!!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Am I Ready?!

A lot of thoughts and emotions running through my head these last 2 days as I have thought about the events that happened at the Boston Marathon.

I qualified to be there and wanted SO bad to go! It's something that I hear you have to do at least once and I figured why not now?!

Unfortunately my main running partner that I train for my marathons with didn't qualify so I didn't want to go alone. (never train for a marathon alone...WAY too much running time)

I tried to talk my sister Dawn into running a marathon and qualifying to go with me. She was going to but as she started to train she was having a lot of pain and issues and decided against it.

Then I met my awesome friend Melanie and she had already qualified and as we ran together and chatted we  both wanted to experience it really bad but we were both worried about the cost.

Things were a little tight around here at the time you had to put your name in to register so when it came down to the wire I decided against it.

As Melanie was getting ready to leave I was wishing I was going too but I was SOOO excited for her!

As yesterday rolled around and my friend Jordan came over for her spray tan she told me the news. It had been about a half hour after and I literally couldn't believe what I was hearing.

Why Boston marathon?! Why this great achievement for all of these amazing runners?! Who would do such a thing?! What if I would have gone?!

I immediately got on my phone because I was tracking Melanie's time through there tracking system and did the math and figured she had finished before it had happened but wasn't totally sure.

SOOO grateful for her update on Facebook to let us know she was ok. But my heart was still broken for the families and people that have been affected.

As I studied my scriptures today I read D&C 50:45-46..."And the day cometh that you shall hear my voice and see me, and know that I am. Watch, therefore, that ye may be ready. Even so. Amen."

These scriptures hit me hard!! I'm not afraid of death AT ALL...in fact I look forward to it one day! I am never sad for the person that passes when I hear that a person has passed away...only for the family that will miss them! When people say they were so young...they had so much life to live...I think instead: they were so perfect. They are so lucky to graduate so early from this hard, hard life. They are still LIVING but living an even better life now, doing more then they EVER could have accomplished here on this short earth life!

One day we will all stand before our maker...hear his voice and see him (how wonderful this will be) BUT are we ready?! That is the question that shook me today! Yes I am looking forward to it...yes I want it...BUT am I ready?!

Not totally sure if I am where I'm supposed to be yet...but I will keep working, keep trying, and hopefully be a little better each day that when that day comes for me...I will be ready!!!

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Special Moment

Last night we had one of those unexpected but very much needed  moments with Dakota. A moment where you realize just how much that little boy I miss so much is still inside of that body...just unable to express himself the same. By the end of it Zach was teared up and I was all smiles. It was one where time stands still for a moment and you don't ever want it to end.

We were tucking Dakota into bed as we always do. Dakota has this magnet board I made before he was born in his room with the same pictures that have been there forever...since before the accident. I haven't been able to have the desire to change them.

Anyways, I looked over at it and saw one of my favorite pictures of him and my mom that was taken maybe a month or so before the accident.

 I took it off the board to just show it to him...not really sure what I would expect his reaction to be. I held it in front of his cute face and said, "Dakota who is that?!" His eyes locked onto that picture and he just stared at it forever. Usually he will look at something you show him for a few seconds then look away as if to tell you I'm done. This time he didn't stop. As I started talking about how cute he is in his cowboy hat and Nana, he started grinning from ear to ear still locked onto it.

So I just kept going with it and told him the story of that day. Every little detail about it that I could remember. It was our last day to ride Snowflake, grammy came to take your picture, it was snowing, Snowflake had to go back to AZ cuz he was too cold, papa took you around and around, etc. Probably went on for like 5 minutes straight and he was all smiles. I could tell that he remembered that day. 

It is so hard to know what he does and doesn't know since he can't talk and communicate well but I could tell by his attentiveness, his eyes, and his smile he knew and he remembered!!! It was SO, SO neat and made my heart so happy. He is still that little cowboy he has always been...he is just a little bigger now! ;)

So that is going to be our new bedtime routine from now on. Grab a picture from the past and talk about it. Help him and us to remember those sweet memories!!

Just some other fun stuff from school...his teacher sent him this note the other day...thought it was SO funny!
Who would have known preschoolers would think suspenders were so cool?!

Just got his cute school pictures back...handsome little boy!!

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Family Pics and a Freebie

These are a little late to post (they were only taken back in November! ;) ) but I love this cute boy so I have to share and document these pics! My cute friend Chelsea took them for us...she is SOOO talented and awesome and makes them enjoyable (even for Zach who HATES pictures).

My original plan was to only have her take them of Dakota cuz I still love our pics from last year and Zach hates getting family pics so I didn't want to push my luck. The morning of pictures I started thinking...since Dakota can't really support his own self, it is inevitable that Zach or I will have to be in some of the pictures to capture his sweet little face. So last minute I threw myself together and told Zach to throw a black shirt on and off we went!

Despite the last minute throw together they turned out pretty cute...beacuse of Chelsea's TALENT!!! Thanks Chelsea!!

Favorite of his sweet smile and adorable face!!

We propped him up against this fence and he did good sitting up for most part...

Suprisingly smiled a lot for us...little model boy!! ;)

Love his mohawk on this one...looks pretty tough! ;)

Zach says it looks like I'm holding my "boyfriend" when I hold Dakota like this cuz he is so big! Cracks me up...what do you think?!

Loved this white background. And loved seeing Dakota stand up!! 

Zach is OBSESSED (that doesn't even do it justice) with Dakota's hands! He ALWAYS is holding his hand so I love this picture! ;)

Love Dakota's cute smile and eyes in this picture!!

My boys are the cutest!! Sorry I'm biased! ;)

This is how we kept Dakota going and happy! He loves his suckers!!


I'm DONE!! He is even cute when he cries! :)

I haven't posted a MY MEMORIES freebie in awhile. So here is a fun summer one for all those summer fun and parties you are planning on throwing.
You have to have the software to use the freebie. If you don't have it and would like it my promo code for $10 off is always good. Use the code STMMMS234 at checkout to get $10 off.

STM Freebies - Spring Collection Pinwheels
Check out these great freebies!
They make great Party Favors! Easy and fun to make!
Use these to decorate your lawn or string them together and hang them.
Perfect for spring birthday parties or anything else you can think of!
Available free until April 21th.


Monday, April 1, 2013


Well...I haven't been on here in awhile for a lot of reasons...but mostly because of the mix of emotions that have been flooding over me the last couple of weeks. I have been unsure of how to express them. Even Zach has been able to tell that I have been a little uptight. For a girl, I would say I am pretty chill. I don't get super emotional over stuff and keep a pretty even temper. But lately things haven't been so even kill for me...and I know it's because so much has been weighing on my mind and heart and I haven't been able to blog and let it all out. (It really is therapy for me...to write it helps me to release it.) Zach will be happier after this I'm sure...hopefully writing about it will bring me back some peace! ;)

As of March 15th Dakota has been a brain injured child longer then he was my healthy little Dakota. He was 2 years, 3 months, and 16 days old when the accident happened. As of today it has been 2 years, 3 months and 34 days. I know to most of you that probably doesn't really matter...and you are probably thinking why would you keep track of THAT! But to me it has been tough to grasp!

Since Dakota's accident I have dreaded March 15th. When we got out of the hospital I had high hopes that he would be back to his old self before this day would come. I NEVER wanted it to come like this and I dreaded every day that it got closer. I often times would find myself counting the days down to know how much closer it was getting.

As I write the tears are flowing...it is SO hard to express what I am feeling inside. I feel like that now that it has been longer like this, that this is how everyone will remember him. I feel like my Dakota (the boy inside of that brain injured body) is going to be forgotten. I find myself forgetting things and that kills me!! Then when a memory comes back I am SO elated AND sad. Sad that that boy isn't with me anymore and probably never will be again in this life! I hate to sound ungrateful...because I love my brain injured child just as much as my healthy boy! But it doesn't mean that I don't long for my healthy boy. As I tucked Dakota in bed tonight and laid next to him...his angelic eyes and sweet smile melted my heart. There are SOOO many things I love about Dakota now that I never would have loved and appreciated had he not had a brain injury...but I long so deeply to hear his little words come out of his mouth again. To just hear the word "MOM" again would heal my broken heart. I miss it SO much!

As this Easter season approached I was so mixed with turmoil between gratitude and sorrow. My heart hurts so deeply that the little boy I once knew is gone but I have felt SO much gratitude for my Savior and my knowledge that this life is not the end. That because my Savior lived and died for me and was resurrected...I will get to see my perfect healthy boy again!

I know that this life is so short compared to the whole scheme of things but when your in the midst of it all...it is hard to comprehend. I AM SO grateful for my Savior and for the power the atonement has to heal my broken heart and to help me overcome the sorrow that has surrounded me the last couple of weeks...heck the last several years!! It is a daily struggle! I said it before in a blog post...I really don't think that "time heals"...it just helps. It is ONLY through our Savior that we can be healed. I'm not totally there yet OBVIOUSLY...but I am working every day to get there.

My cute little 17 year old friend Jessica whom I adore and let's me feel like a teenager again when I am with her ;) sent me this quote tonight as I sat here in tears (she must have been in tune to know I was in need)..."The greatest test of faith is when you don't get what you want, but still you are able to say THANK YOU LORD."
I most definitely didn't get what I wanted in life in many ways...but I am here tonight to say THANK YOU to my Heavenly Father for blessing me with many things...but mostly for the gift of having Dakota still here with me!
I love him deeply even though I miss him.