Fight or Flight...

With all of the recent tragedies going on in the world with shootings and bombings...the news often spends some time focusing on the heroes that stepped up to help and those who passed by. It is easy to watch from your safe and comfortable couch in your home and say "I would have ran towards the danger and chaos and helped. How could people pass by?"

But when you are actually faced with an unexpected, scary, tragedy would you really?!

When I look back now at the day that changed our life forever and the moment I found my tiny little boy with his face blue and non-responsive...I can easily think now he needed CPR. But in that very moment as I pushed the fence off of his little body and picked his limp tiny figure up into my arms the ONLY thing I could do was yell for help. I couldn't think rationally. I know CPR but the thought to perform it on him never even crossed my mind. All I could think was I needed help. I needed someone to come and fix whatever happened to my little boy and fix it NOW!!!

I haven't talked a lot about the angel that came to the rescue that day although I think about her very often. There were a lot of people outside at my parents that day helping set up for the reception but our sweet angel Carla Lindbloom is the one who dropped everything and came running as fast as she could.

I have known Carla since I was just a little girl. She was in our ward probably until I was about 12 when our ward was split. She was was neighbors to 2 of my best friends growing up so we played at her home often since their were only 3 homes in their little area surrounded by fields. I never could have imagined at that young age the role that she would play in my life.

That tragic day Carla wasn't even supposed to be at my parent's house. She hadn't told my mom she was coming to help and my mom already had several friends there helping out. But as she describes it she just kept feeling this sense of urgency that she needed to stop by and see if my mom needed help. She hadn't been there very long when the true reason our Heavenly Father prompted her to come came unfolded.

Carla is a dental hygienist and has had training in CPR. She was the first person that came into my view as I knelt on that dirt with Dakota in my arms. She immediately took him from my arms, laid him on the ground and performed CPR until the ambulance arrived. She never once stopped despite the fact that she was getting tired or that nothing at all was happening or changing with Dakota.

We didn't see a miraculous change in Dakota during those minutes she performed CPR like you see in the movies (all the sudden they start breathing or cough up the water in a drowning) but those several minutes of CPR could have been what allowed him to live. We will never know for sure how much it physically changed for Dakota but the fact that our Heavenly Father sent her there to help I'm sure it did enough!

To this day Carla will say it wasn't her that did it that day. That it was Heavenly Father using her body to perform that CPR. She is the sweetest, most spiritual, most loving person! We haven't seen her since the hospital stay but while we were in AZ these past 11 days I felt it so important for her to come see Dakota.

It was such a sweet little reunion. Her love for Dakota radiates so strongly out of her! In my mom's words as she describes her sweet friend Carla, "She is one of the most spiritual people I know. She always does what matters most."

Words can't describe the love and gratitude I have for Carla. For her courage to fight for Dakota when his mom couldn't think straight to do it herself. For her being so in tune to listen AND follow the prompting that our Heavenly Father gave her to be where he needed her to be...to do what he needed her to do. She will forever hold a special place in our families heart!

Thank you Angel Carla!!! We love you!!!!!!!

That same night Dakota also got a visit from these cute brothers that have been praying for Dakota since the accident. They were so sweet to him...gave him hugs and talked to him. They said they used to call him "baby Dakota" in their prayers because he was little when it happened but now they will call him, "big Dakota since he is a big boy now! ;)

Aren't they the cutest boys?! I think Dakota wants 4 brothers. ;)

2 Years Ago Our Lives were FOREVER changed

Today marks the 2 year anniversary of the day my little world was shattered to pieces. Thinking back to that day makes me physically nauseous. It's the day my perfect, healthy boy sacrificed his little body and brain to teach his mom and dad and SO many others around him how to appreciate the little things, how to love more deeply, and how much we need our Savior Jesus Christ in our lives.

I didn't think it would affect me too much today...it's just another day. Every day when I look at Dakota I am reminded of that day...why would November 26th change anything? But it has been different already. I shed a few tears of sadness but mostly I just wanted to hold Dakota a little tighter, kiss him a little more, and just appreciate his sweet face.

Every day is still a challenge to cope and handle what we have been given, BUT I have learned a lot along the way and today I am grateful more then ever to have my sweet little Dakota to hug and hold.

I think he knew that this was gonna be hard time for his mom because this last week and a half he has been EXTREMELY happy and sweet and SO fun to be around. He knew I needed it now more then ever. He is the smartest and sweetest little angel I have and ever will meet.

The other day Zach  (who is not always the most positive thinker) told me...I started thinking...if Dakota turned back to the healthy boy that he once was today...would I miss anything from the way he is now? He said YES I would! So if there is something to miss...their is something to be grateful for! Then ended with...it's easier said then done.
It is SO true. Even though I still desperately miss my active, healthy, and playful boy...there are SO many things about the way he is now that I love. It's a different kind of love that I can't even describe. But my heart is full with love and gratitude for HIM!!

My sweetest friend whom I met only because of Dakota sent me this AMAZING poem and necklace. She said not to open it til today...I was tempted ;) but waited and I'm SO grateful I did!

It has a D, an angel wing, a cowboy boot, and his birth stone!

IN LOVE!! THANK YOU JENELL!!!

I have to share the poem she gave me because it is PERFECTLY written for my brave little Dakota. I truly believe he chose to suffer for me and anyone else whose lives have crossed his path...so PLEASE read it and cry with me! ;)

Not too long ago in Heaven there was a little soul who took wonder in observing the world. He especially enjoyed the love he saw there and often expressed this joy with God. One day however the little soul was sad, for on this day he saw suffering in the world. He approached God and sadly asked "Why do bad things happen; why is there suffering in the world?" God paused for a moment and replied, "Little soul, do not be sad, for the suffering you see, unlocks the love in people's hearts." The little soul was confused.  "What do you mean?" he asked. God replied, "Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences and they become motivated by love alone."

The little soul began to understand and listened attentively as God continued. "The suffering soul unlocks the love in people's hearts much like the sun and rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their heart, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this- it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer- to unlock this love- to create this miracle for the good of all humanity."

Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could hardly contain himself. With his wings fluttering, bouncing up and down, the little soul excitedly replied, "I am brave; let me go! I would like to go into the world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people's harts! I want to create that miracle!"
God smiled and said, "You area brave soul I know, and thus I will grant your request. But even though you are very brave you will not be able to do this alone. I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey. Those souls will help you create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering. Two of these souls are most special and will care for you, help you and suffer along with you, far beyond the others. They have already chosen a name for you."

God and the brave soul shared a smile, and then embraced. In parting, God said, "Do not forget little soul that I will be with you always. Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength. And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed."
Thus at that moment the brave soul was born into the world, and through his suffering and God's strength, he unlocked the goodness and love in people's hearts. For so many people dropped their differences and come together to show their love. Priorities became properly aligned. People gave from their hearts. Those that were always too busy found time. Many began new spiritual journeys, and some regained lost faith- many came back to God. Parents hugged their children tighter. Friends and family grew closer. Old friends got together and new friendships were made. Distant family reunited, and every family spent more time together. Everyone prayed. Peace and love reigned. Lives changed forever. It was good. The world was a better place. The miracle had happened. God was pleased.

THANK YOU MY BRAVE LITTLE DAKOTA...FOR SUFFERING FOR ME!! I ALWAYS HAVE KNOWN YOU ARE SO MUCH BRAVER, STRONGER, SMARTER, SWEETER, AND LOVING THEN ME! THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME BE YOUR MOM!! I LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK...AND THEN SOME MORE!!!!










I ran across this video as I was searching for something. It was when Dakota was just barely 1! Had to share it because I love that sweet face and laugh!!

HAPPY Mother's Day!!!!!

Happy Mother's Day to all you amazing mother's out there! I'll have to say I had a pretty happy day myself. It all started yesterday when Dakota was the happiest boy he has ever been in a long time...at the race and all (thanks again to all who came out...we had a blast and appreciated all the love and support in behalf of Dakota and Dylan!...more to post on that later).

Later that night Zach and Dakota even went shopping with me (me shopping...shocker ;) )to pick out some colored jeans for my Mother's Day present. They were both so sweet and patient as I tried on and tried on and had to make that tough decision about what color to buy! ;) Zach was just happy that he didn't have to pick a present for me and it was so fun to have them with me!

Today was another special day. Wasn't sure how I would do at church since last year made me cry to see all the kids up on the stand singing to their moms and me wondering if  I will ever see my child up their singing to me.

WELL...thanks to his AMAZING primary teacher Sister Fife (and my friend!) she came up and scooped him up in her arms, carried him up to the stand, and held him up there with all the kids. Even though no words came out of his mouth (just a few whines) as they sang "Mother, I Love You," I felt his little spirit singing to my heart and I couldn't help but tear up tears of happiness that I have the privilege of being an ANGELS mom...and I knew that he meant those words and he did love me even though he couldn't say it anymore!!

Even though many days are hard and I often wonder and worry about what the future holds...I wouldn't trade that sweet boy for the world! Being a mother is truly an honor, a privilege, and a gift from God.

That tragic day when my whole world came crashing down and I wasn't sure if my little boy was going to make it...my biggest fear was not being a mom anymore. He was all I had and without him...I wouldn't be a mom anymore. I didn't want that most sacred calling of being a mother taken from me when I knew how WONDERFUL it was. I couldn't fathom the fact. I felt like if I wasn't a mom then I was NOTHING. My whole identity would be stolen from me. It is amazing how powerful, sacred, and treasured that title is.

So today I am SOOOOO grateful to still have the title of being a mom to one of the most special boys God has ever created! Thank you Dakota for letting me be your mom! I know I'm not perfect but I love you with ALL my heart!!!!

I also have to say on this special day how grateful I am for 2 of the most amazing moms in mine and Zach's life...Cinda and Vicki! I couldn't ask for 2 better examples of mothers who have such a pure, sincere love for their children and would give anything in the world for them. There has never a day gone by that I have ever had to question their love for us. They have both sacrificed so much for us! I truly feel like I have 2 moms and not a mother in law...I feel that close to Vicki. Those of you who know these 2 ladies know what I am talking about!!! For those of you who ask me how I do it? The answer is because of my mom. She has taught me how to work, how to sacrifice, how to love, how to serve, and how to be tough. Without these things I surely would have given up by now!

I saw this quote the other day: "A man who treats his woman like a princess is a proof that he was born and raised in the arms of a queen." Zach most definitely was raised in the arms of a queen!! I can honestly say, I have never heard Zach say 1 negative thing about his mother and neither could I. Both of these ladies are HUGE blessings in our lives and I love them with ALL my heart! HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vicki (Zach's mom)

Cinda (my mom)

And can't forget these special ladies either!!!

Grandma Rhees

Nannie

Grandma Goodman

And Grandma Winterton and Minnie who are helping us daily from above!!!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!