AAAAHHHHH!!!
We are so excited, nervous, scared, and thrilled ALL in ONE!!!
When I wrote that post about the question we always get about having a baby, I had no idea it was going to be this soon.
I have always been more ready then Zach but whenever I tried to maybe persuade him it never ended well. So…not saying I gave up, but I accepted the fact that he wasn’t ready and I didn’t even wanna try and convince him until he was the one that was ready. I had NO idea how long that would be but I decided it didn’t matter. It was going to be a tough road whenever we decided to have a baby…so I needed to make sure he WANTED it just as badly as I did cuz their was NO way I was going to even think about trying to do it “on my own idea.”
So one day we were driving in the car (well I was driving ;) ) and he finally said…I think I’m ready to have another baby. I NEED another little voice in my life.
A WHOLE flood of emotions came over me and I was shocked, happy, excited, nervous, and really a little freaked out all in one. The joy I felt from hearing those words out of HIS mouth was indescribable. I really wasn’t sure if I ever would…although I hoped I would.
I felt like we were having a baby at that very moment and that was when I freaked myself out. My mind started racing…this is really it!! Am I REALLY ready for this?! I mean I have wanted it badly but can I REALLY do it?! What if something does happen to this baby like Zach has always worried about?! Could I really emotionally and physically deal with that?! Zach was always my cop out on why we haven’t decided and now that he was in…I needed to make sure I was really in!!
But of course I was…so we started the hunt for some private insurance that had some kind of maternity coverage because the one we were currently on had none. We got all that was offered for private insurances…a whopping $7,500 deductible. But obviously we know things can go wrong VERY easily, so something is ALWAYS better then nothing!!
We got signed up, waited a month to be members, and then I stopped taking the pill! ;)
I had no idea how fast it would be and frankly I was okay if it took a little while. I wanted to make sure we were really ready for this! ;)
I prayed my little heart out to my loving Heavenly Father that He would give us this baby when HE thought we were ready physically, emotionally, spiritually, and all around. I didn’t want a baby until He knew we could do it because He sees the big picture. He knew how hard it would be for us and all that lied ahead…so I put my faith in him and….
Lo and behold…first month this little peanut was given to us!
I truly feel like Heavenly Father was ready for us to take on another one of his precious children but He wanted us to want it and feel like we were ready. Sometimes I even prayed when Zach was being stubborn about it that He would just send us one even though we were taking birth control cuz I didn’t think Zach would ever commit. He obviously knew that wouldn’t be the best situation for us and that WE needed to want this little spirit just as badly as He wanted us to have it!
I feel SO blessed and comforted in knowing He trusts us again to have another!
SO…I am almost 12 weeks along and can really say I have been feeling pretty dang good! I have my tired spells where I feel like I can’t keep my eyes open for one more minute so I indulge in naps more often then I ever have when I get the chance. I went through a blah stage where I didn’t feel great but didn’t feel horrible…usually the nights were the worst. But I have never thrown up so I really can’t complain. I don’t know how all you woman who are so sick all the time do it???!!! My breasts KILLED for about 10 days straight ALL the time and I feel like they grew every day of that. I even got asked if I got a boob job? Nope…just pregnancy. Don’t you think for all that our bodies go through at least we should be able to keep our boobs?? ;) j/k…kind of! ;) I already feel like I’m showing way more then I should at this point. My pants are already feeling tight and I’m a little worried this may be a long 9 months! ;) Is that normal to already feel this big at 12 weeks?? It has been so long (over 5 years) since I was pregnant so I truly can’t remember much about how I felt with Dakota. (This is why you get all these fun details…for my rememberance! ;))
The thing that I am MOST worried about is when I get REALLY big…how I will carry and take care of Dakota. He is already getting pretty big, heavy, and awkward to carry around and when I have a huge belly it will be quite a bit more awkward. Obviously, we will make it work but I am a little nervous.
I am MOST excited about when I get to FEEL this baby inside of me! It will feel SO much more real and I truly can’t wait!!!
Gender you ask?! We truly and honestly don’t care!! We just want a healthy baby…and I mean that more then anyone you have EVER heard say that!!! I am nervous somthing will be wrong but I have tried to pray and put my faith and trust in my Heavenly Father that he will take all the fear from me and help me to focus on the excitement of it all.
I want whatever gender will be best for Dakota. I think a sister might be more loving, sweet, helpful, and kind to him. I also don’t know if we will have another child after this or not. We aren’t making any plans…just take it one at a time. SO of course EVERY mom wants a daughter…so for that reason a girl would be great! Also…we only have girl names that we like right now…not boy names.
A brother would be so fun for Dakota though so he could play boy stuff with Dakota and be his little buddy and protector. And personally…I just LOVE boys!! I LOVED playing boy stuff with Dakota and I just think little boys are the cutest things on the planet!! (it would also save me some money since little girls have WAY too many cute and fun things! ;))
So in the end…we are just plain excited!!!
