5 Years an Angel: Finding Joy in the Journey

I have OBVIOUSLY been neglecting this blog, much to my dismay!! There is SOOO many things I have wanted to sit down and write about (Dakota's killer Halloween costume Zach built, Navy is 18 months, how I randomly decided to become a permanent makeup artist, Zach's new Germavoid product we are working on, and life) mostly for my own memory. But life has been CRAZIER then ever lately and there has not been enough time in ANY day to be honest!! It is a good crazy though so I can't complain!!

It is 2:30 A.M. I'm MORE then tired. It has been a long but great Thanksgiving surrounded by our wonderful family we love BUT I couldn't lay my head on my pillow tonight without dedicating a post to sweet Dakota...because let's face it...this is really HIS blog, not mine!! Any that still read this read it because of HIM...because of the SWEET, SWEET spirit they feel through each picture and post that he is in. It ALWAYS amazes me at how even through a simple picture people can feel what I feel in his presence. It is AMAZING. So for him...I post!

5 years ago our lives were changed!! I thought for the worst. I relived that day yesterday as we had Dakota's quarterly check up at Primary Children's Hospital. They built a new outpatient wing, separate but connected to the hospital recently, so we rarely walk the same halls we once did. But this particular appointment they told me he could get a flu shot while we were there but we would have to walk over to the pharmacy connected to the hospital. No big deal!! But on this particular night as we approached his 5 year anniversary the next day...being in those same halls, eating the same cafeteria food, it was different. I allowed myself to relive those dark, difficult, and life changing days. I observed my surroundings and watched the people, staff and parents. My heart ached as I watched a dad walk in with his pillow and suitcase, the woman carrying in a large ziploc baggy full of breast milk. I ached that they would be spending their Thanksgiving here...in a hospital. I longed to stop them, hug them, and tell them to NEVER give up!! That the light WILL come and there will be GREAT blessings and happiness ahead. Your future REALLY is as bright as your faith as President Monson has said!!

I didn't as I'm sure they would have thought I was a crazy lady and called security on me!!

But my message tonight is just that!! I have learned A LOT of life changing things over these past 5-6 years from Zach's blindness to Dakota's accident to now. I am a COMPLETELY different Tessie Friedli then I once was. My life was changed, my perspective is different, and my focus is forever better...thanks to my dang trials that I wished had NEVER come as I was living through them.


I have been asked to speak at several different types of settings..woman, young woman, and youth over the past few years. Public speaking is NOT my favorite thing...AT ALL!! But I have never said no, (except once only because it was soon after Navy would be born) because I feel that if I can help just 1 person in my lifetime through their life and trials then ALL of the sleepless nights, tears, and heartache I have experienced is not in vain. Helping others is what gives purpose to the madness. EVERY time I speak my own testimony of EVERYTHING I have learned and gained through my challenges are strengthened and I am reminded over and over how important the lessons I have learned truly are!!

Each time I have been asked to speak the focus/topic has always been a little different although each time they want me to share my story...because let's face it...I AM my story!! It has defined who I am. Just a couple weeks ago I spoke to a group of Young Woman. They asked me to share about Finding Joy in the Journey. Tonight as I sit here on this 5 year anniversary I want to share what I shared with them because EACH and EVERY person on this entire planet will experience pain, heartache, and sadness. It is part of our earthly experience. I don't know what it will look like for each person...but I can promise it will come. But the great thing is...it is not our life experiences that define us...it is what we CHOOSE to do with them that determine who we are and how happy we can be!! No matter what has happened in your past, what you are facing now, or what your future holds...YOU get to decide whether your story has a happy ending...no one else can!!!


SO...in honor of Dakota...Here is what I shared in hopes that whoever may read this can learn to find JOY in their Journey because as I LOVE to say, "Life Doesn't Have to be Perfect to be Wonderful!"


At the end of this post I made a slideshow of OUR story to date. I am not a technologically advanced person so I won't tell you how many hours it took me to do this! LOL!! But it represents our story, our fight. I chose to do it to the Fight Song because I feel like life is a fight at times...sometimes we are winning and sometimes we are down. I LOVE this song and so does my whole family!! We blast it in our home or in the car and Zach and I sing like we are on stage, Dakota smiles, Navy dances and then as soon as it ends she says "GO!" (which means play it again.) So ENJOY and keep on fighting!!


JOY IN THE JOURNEY!

Tonight they asked me to talk about how I have found joy in MY journey!! I have been pondering this thought and I feel like our lives, our journey, is broken up in to a 3 sequence story!!

First sequence of our story involves our pre-earth life…when we were just cute little spirits flying around naked without a body to clothe us!! The second sequence to that story is the here and now…our Earth life. The last sequence of our story is our return home back into the presence of our loving Heavenly Father!!! It’s a book that we can’t even comprehend because we have NEVER experienced, read or seen anything like it!!

I don’t know for sure what it was like in the first sequence but I can imagine our Heavenly Father sitting down with us and preparing us for the 2^nd sequence. Telling us what might happen in each chapter. I’m sure he explained to us that it was going to be REALLY hard at times but that He would ALWAYS be with us to help us through. I can imagine Him taking the time to explain that this was THE MOST important sequence to be written because we would be the co-authors of this story. We would make choices that would determine how this book would end and what the last sequence would entail. I can only imagine how many time He probably told us to REMEMBER who we are!! Reminding us of who He created us to become and how important, valued, and special we were and telling us HOW BADLY he wanted us to return back to live with Him again!! The feeling we must have felt as we left His presence and came to earth I’m sure was pretty powerful!!

So here we are!! Each one of us at different points in our story. Have we ALREADY forgotten who we are, where we came from, and why we are here??? I hope not! I hope that you will NEVER forget that!!

You girls are still at the beginning of your stories… with SO much yet to be written. SO many choices and decision to make…and so many unexpected surprises along the way. I’m about 32 years into my story and I can tell you…It has been quite the duesy!! Trust me…you will want to read this!!! It is better then any scary movie or reality show you have EVER seen!! I’m thinking I should get my own show…keeping up with the Friedlis. I’m totally kidding…kind of!!!

But I started off chapter 18…leaving YW and out into the big wide world. I was ready for this new and exciting chapter in my book!! I had a whole rough draft already written in my head of EXACTLY the way that I thought it should and would go! I was going to meet my handsome returned missionary prince charming, get married in the temple, have 5 or 6 beautiful and amazing babies, live in a big beautiful white picket fence house, and be THE WORLDS BEST mom and wife EVERY day!! My happy ending looked good!!!!! Now don’t raise your hand…but how many of you have your rough draft all perfectly written like me, ready to send to the printer for a final draft?!

Well don’t hit print because guess what?! We don’t ALWAYS get to choose what happens in each chapter!!!! Your life will never go exactly the way you had planned. If it does…I want you to find me because I will probably want your autograph or take a picture with you or SOMETHING!!!

I do have to brag…I DID get to meet my handsome prince charming and I DO have 2 BEAUTIFUL children BUT that is about all that got printed in my book! There was A LOT of editing to be done between all the lines!!!

My handsome husband and I got married in January 2007 in the beautiful Mesa, AZ temple. This was THE BEST and MOST important decision I have EVER made in my WHOLE life!!  I can’t stress to you girls enough how important that decision of who to marry is. It doesn’t just affect you, it affects your family, your children, and your future posterity. It will affect EVERY chapter of your book so make that decision with LOTS of prayer and DON’T COMPROMISE your standards!

We gave birth to our sweet son Dakota in August of 2008. I was a stay at home mom and he was running his own landscaping company and going to school. Life was good…although I didn’t realize how good it really was at the time.

In August of 2009 just a short week before our darling boy was going to turn 1… My husband was driving to work and realized cars were passing him on left side and he wasn't seeing them till they were in front of him. He had already lost complete sight in his right eye at the age of 15 so he knew this was not a good sign. We went immediately into the eye doctor and they told him that it wasn't looking good. His optic nerve was swelling and if they didn't stop it he would lose his sight in his only good eye.

We spent the next 3 weeks in the hospital as the doctors did everything they could to stop the swelling and save his sight.

Now I can tell you right now…this was NOT part of my rough draft plan!! We were scared to death!! My husband and I spent every second of every hour PLEADING to the Lord to grant us a miracle. I had read lots of scriptures of how Jesus had healed the blind man and I thought…why not this blind man?! HE is a good of man as any!! He has kept the commandments, he is temple worthy, he DESERVES this miracle.

As many times as we prayed and as much faith as we had…he still woke up EVERY morning seeing less and less until he was pronounced legally blind and could no longer see mine or my son’s face but just the shadowy outlines of our bodies.

This was devastating!!

I learned the hardest lesson I had EVER learned at this point in life...that sometimes no matter how much faith we have or how many times we pray to get the answer we so desperately think is right...Heavenly Father is truly the one that knows what is best for us! He sees the end from the beginning. He knows us inside and out! This is why he is the co-author of our life! He gets to add in sections to our book that we don’t always think should be there because we don’t know how it ends!!

Life got REALLY complicated for us as you can imagine. Life from that point on was different and it was hard. But together and with the support of friends, family, ward members, and most importantly our Savior we were learning to “get by.” I was helping him with his school work, miraculously he was still landscaping although it was far from easy.

About 1 year later our story took another turn for the worse!

In November of 2010 our son Dakota who was now 2 at the time, was outside playing at my parents house in AZ with his cousins. There were lots of family and friends inside and out of the house setting up and getting things ready for my brother's wedding reception that night. I was inside cutting vegetables and my husband came in from outside and asked me to go check on Dakota since he hadn’t seen him in a little while. Dakota was always the sweetest most cautious kid ever so I wasn’t worried…. I went to check on him to see what he was doing and found him lying under a fence panel totally blue in the face, no heart beat, and no pulse.

The worst fear of EVERY parent had come upon me. I received the hardest news I had EVER received from the doctor when he said he wasn't sure if Dakota would live or die and if he did live he didn't know what kind of recovery he would make from the brain damage that was done. As we sat by our only child's bedside unsure of what was going to happen, I felt COMPLETE helplessness!!

This chapter was NEVER supposed to be written in MY story!! This kind of thing only happened to OTHER people NOT ME!!

I turned to the only person that could help me and poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father to save my little boy!! To not let this chapter end the way I feared it could end! I knew that heavenly Father knew me and loved me! I knew that He was fully aware of my situation. I knew that He knew how much we needed Dakota in our already dark and difficult world!

But this time the answer was yes...he can stay...but NO he won't get to make a full recovery and be the boy that he once was. The 2 year old active little boy that I had watched go out to play that day was now a different little boy who couldn't walk, talk, eat, or even breathe on his own. He was physically with us but I felt like he was gone!! 

After TWO huge NO's, that meant the Trials in my life would NEVER stop..that they would be something I would wake up to EVERY day for the rest of our life...my testimony was shaken!!

My perfect little story that I had written in my head was COMPLETELY erased.. I didn’t even want to continue on and keep writing!! I wanted this book to END!!!

I had NO idea how to be a mom to a brain injured child!! On top of trying to be a wife to a blind man!! It was OVERWHELMING to say the least. I struggled in every aspect of life. I struggled physically trying to care for Dakota. He didn't sleep, he needed constant care around the clock and was physically unstable. I struggled emotionally with the loss of the boy that once was...trying to find him in this boy that I now had. Worst of all I struggled spiritually trying to understand why God was allowing all of this to happen to ME!

I didn’t think it was even possible to write a happy ending to my story! I didn’t even know if I could EVER FEEL happiness again!!!

But guess what I learned?? Through a lot of sleepless nights, pillows wet with tears, on my knees pleading to my Heavenly Father for help and mercy… I slowly came to learn  and understand that…Happiness IS NOT dependent upon circumstances…happiness comes from knowing WHO you are and WHOSE you are!!!

As hard as Satan tried to bring me down…as many hard and overwhelming days as I went through in those next few years…I could not deny my knowledge and testimony that I was a daughter of God, He created me, He LOVED me, He KNEW ME Tessie Friedli…and He had sacrificed HIS son Jesus Christ for ME…so even though there was not one single person on this earth that could understand my pain and heartache…not one single friend, sister, Not even my mom! But My Savior knew because He had suffered pains deeper then I could even imagine so that He would know how to help rescue and save ME when NO ONE else could!! Only through the loving compassion of my Savior was I able to find the hope, faith, and strength to move forward…to get out of bed and keep going!! Only then was I able to trust in my Heavenly Father’s plan for ME!! 

I knew that because my Savior had died for me and my family…one day they would be made whole again!! I stopped questioning and asking Heavenly Father WHY?! It no longer mattered why all of these bad things happened to me because I knew that 1 day I would understand everything COMPLETELY. That in my 3^rd sequence EVERYTHING would be made right!!! The pain that I felt would be compensated 100 times greater with JOY…and oh how beautiful that sounded!!

I felt like the Lord was telling me exactly what Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said has counseled: “Don’t give up. … Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. … It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come.”¹⁰

I didn’t know how or when these good things would come…I wondered how many chapters it was going to take before good things really did come…But as I put my trust in my Heavenly Father, accepted His will in my life…my eyes were opened to the blessings and beauty that was ALL around me!!!

It has been 5 years this month since Dakota’s accident. They have been some of THE HARDEST years of my life but I can say with complete honesty that they have also been the VERY BEST!! I can honestly say that if I could go back and rewrite those chapters the way I thought they should have gone I wouldn’t. Because as hard as they were, they brought me to my knees in COMPLETE humility and forced me to come to know my Heavenly Father and Savior in a way I had never before known. As I turned to them…They helped me to see who I was, to see the DIVINE NATURE inside of me and have taught me what TRUE HAPPINESS really is!!

Happiness does not come from the amount of friends or followers you have, or the number of likes you get, how good you are at sports or dance, the amount of money or talents you have…Happiness come from within…it is realizing your DIVINE nature!! It is having the ability to focus on ALL 3 sequences and allowing your life to be filled with things of eternal worth!! It is seeing who your Heavenly Father sees you as and living each day to make him proud!!

Sister Wixom in this last general conference said, “God sent you here to prepare for a future greater than anything you can imagine.”⁹ That future, a day at a time, comes alive when you do more than just exist; it comes alive when you live your life to fill the measure of your creation. This invites the Lord into your life, and you begin to let His will become yours.

Because you are His child, He knows who you can become. He knows your fears and your dreams. He relishes your potential. He waits for you to come to Him in prayer. Because you are His child, you not only need Him, but He also needs you. Those sitting around you right now in this meeting need you. The world needs you, and your divine nature allows you to be His trusted disciple to all His children.

Now I don’t know what your story entails…what types of chapters might be written in YOUR sequence. You may lose a loved one, you may struggle to have a child, you may never get married, you may battle with a debilitating illness, you may face betrayal from someone you love…There will be chapters like mine that are so hard that you wish they were NEVER written! Ones that you wish you could stop and erase! But I promise that if you can get to the end of that chapter, relying on your Saviors love, help, and strength as you go…keeping your eye on the eternal perspective you will not only make it through…but you will find JOY in your journey!! It is through those hardest of chapters that we learn, grow, progress, and become the person our Heavenly Father knew we could become!!

When Heavenly Father sent you into this second sequence he didn’t send you into it to be sad…he sent you to be happy…to share your light for ALL the world to see!

My daily life is STILL hard. I still have to help my husband and take care of ALL of Dakota’s needs…but I am happier then I have EVER been because I have learned to find joy in the simple and beautiful things in my life!!  My favorite quote is “Life Doesn’t Have to be Perfect to be WONDERFUL!”

No matter what your story has looked like in the past, looks like right now, or will look like in the future…YOU get to write the ending!! YOU get to decide if it is a happy ending…no one else can decide that for you!!

It is my hope for each one of you that you will make it to that 3rd sequence where you will get to look your maker in the eye and hear him say Well Done my Good and Faithful Servant!! And you might say back to him as Sister Reeves put it…Was that ALL that was required??

“What will it matter, dear sisters, what we suffered here if, in the end, those trials are the very things which qualify us for eternal life and exaltation in the kingdom of God with our Father and Savior?”

It is my hope and prayer that each one of you will feel the love your Heavenly Father has for YOU!! That even in your darkest of days that you will NEVER forget who you are and that that knowledge will give you the strength to keep going and to find JOY in your journey!!!

My Favorite 6 Year Old!!!

Dear Dakota,

You turned 6 today and I thought my heart was going to burst! My emotions were running very high today…in a good way!! I’m sure part of it was due to the emotional high we had yesterday with the AMAZING F2TF 5K. (more to come on that soon).

I was overwhelmed as I woke up today thinking about how grateful I am to get to celebrate this day with you!! I almost lost my opportunity to celebrate birthdays with you, so today I celebrated YOU with the happiest of hearts!!!

This birthday was your first birthday since your accident that I felt that you really understood it was YOUR birthday…at least it was the first time you shared some emotion with us…smiling and laughing as we poured balloons over your body when you woke up as we sang Happy Birthday to you!!


We blew these up at midnight for you…that’s how much we love you!!! ;)




You smiled and giggled as I let you listen to all the voxes, phone messages, and videos sent to you from our family and friends that were thinking of you today and even everyone singing to you at Vayden’s luncheon!! I could tell even though you couldn’t tell me in words that you knew it was your birthday and you were SO happy to celebrate it today!! I think you are SUPER excited to be 6!!!  It made today even more special to watch you smile and enjoy being youl!!!

Dakota…when you came into this world 6 years ago and made me and your dad parents…we had no idea the influence you would be in our lives!!



You opened our hearts then and since that day you have continued to AMAZE me in every way possible!! You are not just my son…you are my teacher, my angel, my example, my light, my happiness, my sunshine, my little piece of heaven, my daily reminder of what really matters in life, my LOVE!! You make my world go round!!!

So I sit her today with tears in my eyes SOOOO grateful to get to celebrate this 6 years with you today instead of without you!!!


He even put out the candle on his own…with his arm! ;)

I still don’t know how I got so lucky that you chose me to be your mom…my only guess is that you knew I needed A LOT of help in this life to make it back to my Heavenly Father and you knew I would need you to teach me, lead me, and guide me every step of the way!!

Whatever the reason may be…THANK YOU for choosing me!! I will love you with all my heart every single day!! I’m so lucky I get to spend eternity with YOU!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAKOTA MAN!!!!!

Life is “HAPPY”

It has been awhile since I wrote just about Dakota man…it is definitely overdue. The best words to describe Dakota and our little life right now is “happy!”

This new pillow I got for his new big boy room says it perfectly! ;)

I always have the hardest time describing how Dakota is progressing to people because it is tiny and subtle. Probably those who only see him every once in awhile would never even notice any difference at all but for us in our home…we are seeing progress…and that makes us ALL happy!!!

The biggest change is still just subtle progress in his responsiveness, reactions, and communication. He is SO alert and expressive to EVERYTHING around him. He lets you know very easily and quickly these days if he his liking what is going on or not. He whines and cries when he is not liking something or wanting you to do something for him. You can ask him a question while he is whining and most of the time he will stop and look at you or smile if that is what he wants or he will keep whining until you get it right…sometimes you never get it! ;)



For example…the other night he started crying in bed. I went in and tried to roll him back to the side he had been on (since he had rolled onto his back and it is hard for him to roll in his bed since it is tilted). As soon as I did he started whining so I said “oh you don’t want to lay on that side?” He stopped whining. I rolled him onto the other side and he just gave me the hugest smile ever, like saying, “YES!! Thank you mom!!” This is just one example of the many that are happening more and more often which makes life so much more easier for him and us!!

But honestly his mood is just SO happy and full of life lately and that has made the BIGGEST difference in our little home. I remember after his accident just praying that we would see some of his personality come back in him since there was really nothing there as far as personality for a long time. My prayers have sure been answered! This kid has personality…it is not maybe the exact same personality he had before his accident although I still see some of that same little boy inside…but it is personality and it is there and it is fun!!! He is really just so fun again in a new and different way but we sure love it!!

Even a year after his accident he would smile but not at anything we did. We could be funnier then funny and try and get him to smile and laugh at us but we got nothing. The only thing that could get him to smile was watching Toy Story. This was how we had to take our family pictures to get any smiles.

The whole photo shoot my friend Chelsea was holding this DVD player and the camera to catch him at the parts he would smile.

These days we don't need Toy Story to get a smile out of him. They come so easily and naturally now and that has been one of the hugest blessings to our family!!

Here is a short little video of him just having fun with his cousin Houston.

His sweet spirit and smiles fills our home with complete happiness. It is a happiness that is not just superficial…it is pure joy!! When he is in a happy and playful mood, Zach and I always just stop what we are doing and enjoy it together. I'm sure that if someone was constantly watching us they would think we are a little overly obsessive about our child...but that's ok with me! ;) I guess we are! I love that the trials we have been through have created within us a deeper appreciation for these simple things in life like a smile, that we once took for granted.


With Zach’s new job he doesn't leave so early in the morning, so many mornings Dakota is awake before he leaves and we have time to talk, smile, and pray together before he leaves and it is so simple but yet so wonderful.


Zach sharing some pears with Dakota before work!!

The other morning Zach said to me, “I am just so happy! Even though life and work are still stressful and we don’t know what the heck we are doing (and Zach is a really stressful person that has a hard time not focusing on problems) just spending these morning together with you and Dakota just makes me so happy!” This made my heart just skip a beat because that is what it is all about!! In the scriptures in 2 Nephi 2:25 it says, “Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.” For a long time we were missing out on that joy as we grieved and mourned the loss of the Dakota man we once had and struggled with this new change.

I remember as clear as day one night, sitting  in bed one night crying (one of many nights) and struggling after Dakota’s accident after months and months of REALLY hard days and nights. I remember wishing SO badly that I could just fast forward life like 10 years! I wanted to feel happiness again and I had a hope that I would…I just couldn’t see how or when that would be. I didn’t get to fast forward life…I had to struggle, learn, and grow every day since but that happiness is back and it is even more “happy” then I have ever felt before!! So to sit here at this computer today and speak of our home being being filled with SO much HAPPINESS, it is truly AMAZING to me!! I honestly thank my Heavenly Father EVERY day for it!!!

Along with all of these most important changes and progress we are seeing, Dakota is getting stronger too! He holds his head and body a lot stronger. He is still progressing at his crawling in therapy although he can’t do it on his own. He LOVES getting the chance to army crawl on his slide to his favorite Lemon Italian Ice. When he gets to the end he just smiles so big and is so proud of himself! I love it! He still stiffens up his entire body a lot…probably more then before. This makes it super hard to hold him because he is so strong and big that it takes all you got to keep him from falling out of your arms. He does it a lot when he is excited or mad. The therapists say that he has learned that that movement has helped him in his rolling and other things so that is why he does it more often. This is also what makes crawling on his own hard for him because he is really good and pushing but getting his leg back up in position is another story.

He is moving his arms a little more coordinated. He will bring his arms and hands up to his toothbrush as you brush his teeth and things like that. I would LOVE to see him be able to use his hands to grab things. I think that would make life a lot more enjoyable for him and he would be more capable of doing so much more.

As far as his trach goes, he is still needing suctioning at least 3-4 times a day so we aren't really making much progress towards getting that out. He coughs really strong and good but still doesn’t seem to clear our his airway all the way. He has actually started to really enjoy getting suctioned and will smile many times when you ask him if he wants one and when you are doing it because I’m sure it makes him feel so much better to breathe better. Not sure if that is a good thing though since we want him to not need suctioning. But we are okay with the trach. When he first got it is was such a new and weird thing for us. It was a foreign object coming out of our little boys neck. It looked weird, sounded weird, and was scary! Now that we are used to it, it has become a part of him and we no longer feel this sense of urgency to get it out. Of course if he does get it out one day we would be so happy, more for the fact that it means he has progressed but if he never does it will be ok too!! It is his cute little “necklace” as some people call it! ;)

About a month or so ago he got his first loose tooth!! It was kinda my fault though so not sure if that really counts as a first! I was flossing his little teeth with one of those floss picks and he all the sudden bit down on it and it cut his gum right next to he bottom middle tooth pretty bad. I felt SOOOOO bad as he cried and blood was pouring out! I was just trying to be a good mom and get his teeth cleaned!!!
After that his tooth was super sensitive and he didn’t want anything to do with tastes. The times we could get him to try some baby food he would bite down on the spoon and it would make his gum bleed and he would cry. One day at church he bit on a succor and his tooth just got really loose. From there on out it was getting looser and looser. When we took him to the dentist for his cleaning the bottom middle two were both loose so the dentist decided to pull them.
I was so scared and sad for him but he didn’t even make a peep!! He was MUCH braver then me!!!

Getting ready!!

When the dentist got done he said, “well I got 3.” I was a little confused on why the 3rd had to come but well it was already gone so what the heck! Dakota just has a huge gap now in the bottom which you don’t see unless you pull his lip down. It sure makes him seem like such a big boy though!!

All gone!!

He got his first visit from the tooth fairy and got 3 whole dollars!!!

Holding his treasure box with his teeth in it, getting ready to take it to his bed! ;)


Morning time! Looks super excited! ;) Not sure that he really cared about the money but I think he was glad to have that sensitive tooth out of his mouth!



Hooray they are gone!!!

He is still LOVING school and all of his cute friends!

I mean seriously who wouldn’t love school when you get to swing in a hammock swing and ride scooters down the hallway! Sign me up! ;)

He loves the bus rides and can be crying all the way to the bus and as soon as he gets on he is just fine. He loves to look out the window. He seriously has the cutest bus drivers in the whole world. I love them to pieces!! I will be so sad when this school year ends and he moves to a new school and maybe with new bus drivers! :(

I think that about sums Dakota man up for awhile. If I ever leave anything out that you would like to know please leave me a question in the comments and I will be happy to answer!

7 YEARS and STILL IN LOVE!!

Zach and I celebrated our 7 year anniversary over the weekend! I know every married couple feels this way BUT it is always crazy to think…it’s only been 7 years?! It feels like we have been together FOREVER!!! (in a good way of course! ;))

I made his short little slideshow that is a short representation of 7 years! ;)

I'm pretty impressed with myself because I am no computer whiz! ;) Luckily an app made it easy for me! ;)

One of my favorite things about celebrating our anniversary is that I can get Zach to watch our wedding video!!

It only happens once a year so it is always so fun to go back to that day and remember all the feelings you felt and how happy you were!

It makes me smile to watch us on that very day and think how young and naive we once were! We had NO idea what in the world laid ahead of us but we were SO excited to start our new journey together! Sometimes I wonder if it would have been nice to have a heads up of what was going to happen to us in the first few years of marriage…but then again maybe not! ;)

7 years has taught us A LOT…REALLY FAST!!! It has been a rollercoaster ride for us. We have experienced the lowest of lows together as well as the highest of highs! Even though there were times where sometimes riding the rollercoaster got harder then I ever imagined and in our emotional stress I wanted to push him off the ride (figuratively…not literally! ;)) I am SOOOOOO grateful that he has been here by my side through every single piece of it!

I have realized through our life experiences how much I have taken Zach for granted. I have come especially over this last year to REALLY appreciate how lucky I am to have such an INCREDIBLE man by my side. (I read Dr. Laura’s book “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” and that helped opened my eyes a lot. I recommend it to ANY wife! ;))

No…he isn’t perfect and neither am I BUT he LOVES ME and DAKOTA and NAVY with his whole heart and that is more then I could even ask for. There has never been one day that has gone by that I have questioned or doubted…does he really love me?! And I think that says SO much about Zach!

He is constantly showering me (even though he is blind) with compliments about how beautiful I am and what a perfect wife and mom I am. Of course I always just laugh and shake my head because I know that I am far from it…but to think I have a husband that treats me and loves me like I am is pretty incredible!

And the thing that melts my heart the most is the way he ADORES Dakota! He would stay home from work every day if he could just to snuggle and hold Dakota’s hand (because he has a hand holding obsession! ;)) To see him light up and talk to Dakota with so much love is what really makes me see how lucky I am!!!

Even though our life is SO far from perfect…Zach is what makes life so wonderful for me despite ALL the craziness and choas of it all! He is truly my BEST FRIEND and I love that I get to spend every day with HIM!
I often fear that my next trial (since I do wonder what is next…I realize there is never an end to the trials of life) would be to lose Zach. The thought of it just is unimaginable. I don’t live in fear of it every day because that would just make a person crazy…but I try harder every day to appreciate him and show him how much I love him because I know how quickly life can change! So that is my daily advice to whoever reads this today! Kiss that husband or wife of yours and treat them every day like it could be your last! Because I promise…those who have lost a spouse will tell you…they didn’t know it would be their last!!

For our anniversary we didn’t do anything too crazy! Doug and Vicki took Dakota for the night on Friday so we could have a night ALL to ourselves. That is always so magical! Hopefully I’m not the only parent out there that enjoys it as much as I do! ;) I do love Dakota but a whole night with just Zach is pretty awesome too! ;)

We went to the Movie Grille that night! It was SO much fun! It was our first experience and I would totally recommend it to anyone! You go and get to sit in these amazing recliner seats. A waitress comes and takes your order FOR DINNER! Then they bring you out your drinks and dinner (there is a tray attached) and you get to sit back and enjoy dinner as you watch your movie! It was a super fun and relaxing night!

I was too chicken to ask someone to take our picture so this is a picture of our relaxing view…when the movie was over! ;)

Then we just went back home and relaxed some more. We of course had to watch Zach’s favorite show…Shark Tank! I love how into it he is! One day he will be on there! ;)

He pulls the chair up so he can see better! I guess he has a good excuse to not sit by me and hold my hand! ;)

I of course loved the full nights sleep with no interruptions and sleeping in until I wanted to get up! ;) It was heaven just to have some complete alone time with the man I LOVE!!!

Hopefully one of these years we will take that cruise we are always dreaming about! ;)

3 Years an Angel

November 26th marked 3 years since Dakota’s accident. This 3 year mark was definitely a time of reflection for me. I allowed myself to go back to that dreadful day…and just remember. I remembered it ALL!! You may wonder why in the world would anyone want to remember that…don’t you want to forget?! But the answer is NO!

Although that day and the weeks and months that followed were the worst days of my entire life…I felt pain I never knew existed. That pain has helped me to realize and appreciate what PURE joy really is! As I cried tears of pain remembering how dark and hurtful that time was in my life I also smiled and cried tears of joy as I see how far not only Dakota but WE have come as a family. I remember still clear as day after months of enduring the pain and hardships of our new life…wanting to fast forward. I knew one day I would see and feel light and happiness again I just didn’t know when that would ever be. I didn’t want to endure and suffer one more day…I would have fast forwarded 3, 5, 10 years…however long it took to feel happiness and joy again.

Life obviously hasn’t fast forwarded for me, I have worked hard and endured every day for the last 3 years but today I smile because I made it!! I feel joy again in my life and I appreciate it more then EVER before because I know how quickly things can change and I know what REAL pain is. Life is obviously still not easy or perfect and we still have our struggles but we smile, we laugh, and we enjoy being together and that is truly ALL that matters.

The fact that we even feel ready to take on another child is a miracle. I honestly didn't know when or if that day would ever come but here we are!

Zach has been a little stressed lately with lots of things and I texted him that day and just said, “Remember what you felt 3 years ago. ALL of your stress and worries today didn't matter. We got through that …we can get through this. We got this! ;)

So…as I reflect on Dakota’s 3 year anniversary mark of gaining his angel wings, I smile at amazement at how far he has come. As I look back at all the pictures it is SO clear! As I remember those days, weeks, months, and even years following the accident and how little he could do or even respond, I am SO grateful today for where we are at. When we came home from the hospital his head was stuck to the left. He couldn’t move his body or arms and legs at all. His tongue was out all the time. He was overweight from the formula. His face was always red and sweaty because his body couldn’t regulate his temperature. His eyes could barely track and if they did it was just for a few seconds. His eyes were often focused just up. He had no response or even acknowledgement to things or people.


Today I see a 5 year old cowboy full of personality. His eyes sparkle with happiness and excitement again and he tracks anything especially his mom and dad when they come in the room or a succor. He smiles again and that is the BEST! I tell him all the time he has a magic smile. It is magic because it lights up the room and it makes everyone who sees it smile too!

He moves his whole body and has become quite the roller. Just Thanksgiving morning I laid him on this blanket facing his tool box to eat his breakfast and this is where I found him several minutes later when I came back in.


I’m stuck mom!

He communicates with us in his own simple ways and we understand each other. He is the same little boy inside a body that he still can’t quite control completely but he is happy and healthy!!

I still miss that funny, active, cowboy I once had running around and making lots of noise but I adore my quiet, gentle, and sweet cowboy just as much. He is the same but different and I love him now just as much as I loved him then. He has sacrificed so much to teach me EVERYTHING I know. He is my light!!

So Dakota…Happy 3rd anniversary of gaining your angel wings. Keep letting your light shine to others and share that magic smile that mom and dad love so much!! WE LOVE YOU!!

Just because I LOVE to remember him before…here is a video of my cute little muscle man when he was 22 months! (I know it's nothing out of the ordinary of other kids videos but to me it is so so special! Just seeing him walk, move, and talk is amazing! ;))

PURE JOY!

After Dakota’s accident…I didn't know if I would ever feel real joy again in my heart until my little boy was back to his perfect normal self!

After we got home, I worked my hardest doing hours and hours of therapy with him in hopes that this would bring my little boy back.



Then and only then could Zach and I have the joy that he brought to us back in our lives! We missed his bright smile and sweet voice so much…it was our true source of JOY!!

The first year was so very difficult. The only expression Dakota had was sadness. He looked different and acted so different. All he did was cry and so did we. I often found myself asking God, “Why did you let him stay, if this is how it is going to be?” I couldn’t bear to see him so sad and miserable all the time and I begged…just let him be happy!! I know none of you can comprehend this…but we often thought that maybe it would have been better if he would have passed away.

As he continued to progress we first saw a hint of a smile and that was SOOOO exciting. Since that day Dakota has continued to progress in so many ways.

These last couple months we have seen even more change. It is always hard to describe these changes and progressions because they are so subtle and gradual that they are hard for me to even detect. But he has been more happy, more responsive, more alert, more interactive. I feel like we are finally understanding each other…even though he still can’t talk. I can ask him questions and get more responses either with a smile, a look, or a cry.

He uses those big sparkly eyes and sweet smile to tell us what he is thinking and needing and Zach and I are finally understanding him better and better. Don’t get me wrong…we still have our frustrating moments where neither one of us is getting the other but they are becoming fewer and far between.

This last week as Zach and I have had a lot of time to spend together since his work is slowing down, we have been together as a little family a lot. I have found myself several times just watching or listening to Dakota’s happy laugh, his sweetest smile, and the happiness in Zach’s voice. As I was listening to the happiness in Zach and Dakota while Zach gave him a bath…I felt that PURE JOY once again and I realized…it is back!! Dakota isn't back to his old self, but he is bringing us a source of JOY that I never knew. As I watch and listen I am completely content, happy, and my heart is full of JOY!!

I caught the very end of it so it was toned down a bit. (Don't mind the nudity!) ;)

The saying on the top of my blog that “Life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful” is SO true!!! Dakota’s body and mind is still not perfect, Zach is still blind, day to day life is still hard for us…but we are happy and life with these two truly is SO wonderful!!!

Zach and I have had several conversations lately about how much we love Dakota this way. We still miss him and the boy he once was but he is SO much fun and makes us so happy in different ways. We talk about how much we love him and his unique little things that make him so different but so sweet. There truly is a piece of heaven that I can see in his eyes when he smiles. They sparkle differently then they ever did and he has shown me what true JOY is!!



After almost 3 years of coping with life with a brain injured child and mourning the loss of what once was…I can honestly say…I can feel PURE JOY again!! Heavenly Father in His own time and in His own way has answered my prayers! It took a lot of heartache and a lot of tears to get to this point but that is what this life is all about. He knew I needed to experience the loss of something so great and wonderful to learn to appreciate the simpleness and sweetness that life has to offer. We will never find happiness in the things we can buy…it is found right in our own simple little homes with the people we love!! If Dakota who can’t do much of anything on his own and truly deserves to complain can feel and show real happiness and joy…then we ALL can feel it!!! Find the joy in your life and SAVOR those moments!!

HAPPY

Since Dakota has turned 5 (the last couple days ;)) he has been SO happy! Here is just a little glimpse into what we have had most the day today. If this doesn't make you happy and forget about all your troubles I don't know what will! If this kid who has been through the ringer can be happy...we can ALL be happy!!
Just your friendly reminder..."Life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful!"

Taylor Swift

So we went to Taylor Swift concert last night...yup...it was pretty awesome! I LOVE country music and I LOVE Taylor Swift (even though her last album is a bit more on the pop side...I love ALL music). I feel like such a teeny bopper for liking her so much...especially since the seats all around us were filled with little elementary and teenage girls literally FREAKING out every time she came on stage, every song she sang. and ESPECIALLY when she walked RIGHT by us!! That's ok though...I don't mind being a teeny bopper. I have always just loved her music since she first started. She is such a good writer, super talented, great voice, and just an all around real, genuine, and cute girl. I should know since we are BFF's! ;) (she just doesn't know it yet!)

Last year we bought tickets from resale cuz Zach surprised me late notice. This year we planned ahead. We got on her email list so that we could get the pre-sale tickets and luckily we did because she sold out in the pre-sale. We had AMAZING seats this year and paid the exact same as we did last year for nose bleeds. We had no idea exactly how amazing our seats really were til we got there. We were the very first row on her left side before you get to the floor seats. We were so close to the stage this time I could actually watch her and see her eyes and everything instead of watching the big screen like last year.

Me and my hot date!

Where we are standing is right in front of our seats.

She put on an awesome show with dancers, effects, and the whole shebang. But she also played several songs with just her and her guitar or the piano and those were some of my favorite!!

Rockin it...GO TAYLOR!!

The best part was she went right through the aisle in front of us (between us and the floor seats) and I got to touch her! (I think she felt the connection between us...I'm sure she will be calling me soon! ;))We knew it was coming because they set up a rope to block anyone from going in the aisle at that part of the show and placed security along both sides like every few feet. The little girls around us were FREAKING out and I was pretty excited to say so myself. I got a video of all the action! ;)

It was such a fun date night with Zach. He hated country music when we met but I have brought him over and he really does like Taylor Swift too. He enjoyed the show even though he was thinking about his inventions the whole time! ;)

3 of my favorite things...Zach, Taylor, and ice cream!!! I tried sharing it with Taylor but she was more interested in Zach I guess!!! ;)

Just hangin with my BFF's. We were having SO much fun! ;)

Right when we got there to stand in the forever long line Taylor was there to give me some of her diet coke!! Isn't she so sweet! ;)

(I know I'm a TOTAL dork!) ;)

P.S. I'm no fashion blogger by any means but I got those AWESOME black little lace shorts (called Mollies)  that are under my dress from the AMAZING Jillie Willie. They are SO perfect for all those dresses or skirts that are just a little too short! ;) (Just thought they were worth sharing! ;) )

Laugh Until....

"Laugh until  tears run down your legs."...is the quote that came out of my friend and neighbor Julia's mouth the other day. It was perfect for the title of this post. All you woman out there that have born children...can understand this! ;) If you don't...message me! ;)

Anyways...a couple weeks ago we had the funniest day ever and I was literally crying from laughing on the way home that I almost had to pull over. It probably won't sound that funny to you...it's one of those you had to be there but I thought I would share...funny memories are the best!!

So we were sick of this horrid winter we have been having this year and wanted to get out of the house. We decided to take Dakota to Kangaroo Zoo. It is just a fun indoor place with tons of blow up toys...bouncy house, slide, basketball hoops, etc. Zach's parents had taken him there before but Zach and I had never been there.

We get in and walk up to the hugest slide in the place. Dakota will love this I thought!! The sign on all the toys said 150 lb weight limit. Zach (sorry to reveal your wight babe...not like you care) is 160. So trying to be obedient I said, "well I guess I'm taking him up then."

So I start heading up this super tall, steep, wobbly stairs, unable to use my hands to steady myself since I'm holding Dakota. I get about 4 steps to the top and it's getting super steep and I can feel myself losing my balance...
Next thing I know BAM...I am sliding down the stairs record speed holding Dakota out in front/above my head COMPLETELY unable to even think about trying to stop. Every freakin stair is rockin my world as it is hitting my stomach.

I get to the bottom and am just laying there. Zach in the meanwhile had been stairing at the slide on the left waiting to see us come down. He sees this shadow drop in his words, "like off a cliff."

He says (this is what is most hilarious), "Was that you?" Did you mean to do that?" Since he is blind...he couldn't tell if that was us, if we were going down a slide, or what in the world was happening. At the moment it wasn't that funny cuz I was still in shock, but after I recooped and reheard what he said to me in my head I couldn't stop laughing!!!

Don't worry, Dakota was completely fine and I just walked away with a sore stomach and a couple slide burns on my hands.
Needless to say I said screw the sign...Zach you are taking him up!!!

The freakin stairs. This picture does not do the size of this slide justice...it is huge!

Almost to the part where I fell

Dakota loved it!!

Zach decided to get brave and let Dakota go down this massive slide by himself. I was nervous at first but thought...heck, he is 4 years old...let the kid live!!

I filmed it for all to see! (Don't turn us in to DCFS) His little body looks so stiff and funny going down but the smile at the end says it all!!!

It was such a fun day. We rarely get to do things as a family that Dakota actually enjoys doing so of course it made my whole day, my whole week, heck my whole year!!

Trying to roll on the dinosaur

Mommy and Kota

Happy as can be!!

Playing with dad

Captured his cutest laugh!!

I realized how much I kiss his face after watching this video. Between Zach and I, I'm suprised he doesn't have bruises all over his cheeks from us insanely kissing him. If he had control over his movements or words I'm sure he would smack us and say, back off poeple!!!

Later in the day (which made the day even more funny) we took Dakota to the AWESOME chiropractor here that we go to like 3 times a week. Zach was carrying Dakota and I sat down in a chair. There was one chair next to me on my left but no chair on my right. Zach can usually tell the shadow of a chair so I don't ever tell him like where to sit or anything. But for some reason on this day he wasn't able to tell. He walks to the right of me and kinda bends down. I wasn't sure what he was doing...the thought never even crossed my mind that he didn't notice there wasn't a chair there. Next thing you know BOOM, he is sitting on the floor, their little garbage can smashed beneath him, holding Dakota in his arms. We both busted up laughing. Luckily there were no other people in the waiting room...just a few people behind the receptionists desk. I'm sure they thought I was such a jerk for laughing at him so hard but it was pretty dang funny.

Once again...Dakota was fine! Poor kid though is probably thinking his parents are crazy at this point though! ;)



Since it has been so cold we haven't been able to use Dakota's fun sled much. It's no fun sledding if you are FREEZING cold! It finally warmed up to the 20's last week (which felt like spring since it had been so cold) so we got a crew of friends together and headed to our trusty field!

With 1 ranger, 2 4-wheelers, 2 sleds, and several tubes...we lived it up! It started out a little rough though. Since we had had SO much snow our bikes couldn't even keep mocing thorugh it. The wheels kept spinning out until we hit dirt. The boys put there heads together and pushed the Ranger around a big circle until it was good enough to at least keep moving and then went round and around to make a trail.

After that it was all crazy. We started off all about the kids but by the end it was all the adults trying to throw each other off the tubes. Not sure who had more fun the kids or adults but it was a blast!!

Josh got off the trail as you can see and needed a push. Luckily my husband is super strong! ;)

Julissa and her girls.

The Jones Family ;)

Hadlee fell in love with the Hanckocks puppy they brought. She was it's full time babysitter!

Dakota just being a stud riding in the Ranger...being so patient, sharing his sled with his friends, waiting for his turn!

Hadlee, Janelle, and Paislee

Just mingling

2 of the cutest boys I have ever seen!!! ;)

Finally Dakota's turn...riding with mommy!

The cute Lynch girls...is that not the cutest thing ever!! Kimora was SO strong and held on to her little sister for a long ways!

Ty and Janelle

Hadlee and Kimora...cute girls!

Boys being boys!

Zach taking the kidos for a ride

Jake and Hadlee

Daddy and Kota relaxing and being silly

Paisle was done

Dakota getting some kisses from the puppy

Lovin on him

This is how we all felt by the end! ;)

We ended the day with some good ole Dixie grill...YUM...doesn't get much better then burgers, fries, and a shakes! ;)