Why WE Love Dakota…Nana

Of course I had to ask one of the people I know who loves Dakota VERY most…Nana (my mom) to write about Dakota!! Dakota was the 11th grandchild born into my family so my mom knew EXACTLY what she was doing in the grandma department when Dakota entered the world!



What she didn’t know, was how much Dakota and I were going to need her throughout his sweet little life!! Even though she lives in AZ, a whole state away from Dakota, she has never let the distance stop her from sharing her love to Dakota! She often puts letters, books, and cards in the mail to Dakota and almost weekly sends texts to just let us know she is thinking about us and loving us!

She makes time every summer and whenever we need her to come, to spend some quality time with Dakota. She will fly up at the drop of a hat if I even mention that we might need help. She maximizes EVERY minute she is here, serving and helping in ANY way she can to make Dakota and my life the easiest it can be!!



After the accident her and my dad were there for us EVERY day…whether it was forcing us to eat food, giving us hugs, words of love and support, or stretching and sitting with Dakota! They were by our side through it all…all the tears, pain, and heartache!

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After the accident my parents were so concerned for Dakota to have EVERYTHING he needed….they bought him a brand new temperpedic bed that angles up and vibrates so that he would be in a comfortable position and not EVER get bed sores. They allowed us to trade cars with them so that he could have more room for his legs and in the back for his wheelchair. They paid for him to have horse therapy, and the list goes on and on!! They are ALWAYS trying to help in ANY way they can to make sure that Dakota has ANYTHING and EVERYTHING he needs!!

Besides the physical help and support they have given us they have been there for us emotionally and spiritually as well…even though I know this trial has been so hard for them as well! My mom often texts me a simple thought or scripture for the day to help motivate and inspire me to be the best I can be. My dad often sends handwritten letters (yes the old fashioned way…that I love) to us to share his love and support to us!! They have listened to me cry and vent through the pain and struggles. They are 2 people that I know I could count on for ANYTHING at ANY time!!



Not sure where or who I would be without them!!

Here is what she had to say:
(Grab some tissues!)

Lessons Learned from Dakota

The day Dakota was injured was the day my world fell apart. I was so excited to have all of my family together to celebrate Ty’s recent wedding to Heather. It was a day of celebration, not for tragedy. We were even going to have a live band. I was anticipating the joy of watching all the kids dance. . . Dakota liked to dance. Watching Dakota lie on the ground unresponsive sucked all the excitement out of my being.
After transporting Dakota to Maricopa County Hospital and getting him situated in ICU, his little body still lay there so lifeless. Just hours ago he had been playing so happily with his cousins.

They put him on a cold matt filled with ice water to slow his body functions, reserving his energy to allow his brain the ability to heal.

I watched Tessie hold his little hand, kiss his tender face and plead in Dakota’s ear, “Please stay here, Buddy, I will help you. I will help you.” The harsh reality of Dakota not being whole again was so painful. I was watching my baby hurt for her baby and I hurt for both of them. I felt like the worst grandparent. It was a grandparent’s nightmare to have a grandchild hurt on your watch. It was no one’s fault. I knew that in my head, but it wasn’t registering in my heart. The kids weren’t playing near danger; we were all right there; how could this happen?

The neurologist came in to talk to us. While his words were kind they were also stern. He told us that Dakota’s brain had been without oxygen too long. He explained that the next 72 hours would be critical. If he survived 72 hours, there would still be undetermined damage and questionable prognosis. Then his words cut sharp, “I am seriously concerned he will make it.” Then without hesitation and more determined he added, “I want you to understand, I am seriously concerned he will make it.”
In my mind I knew he was preparing us. All medical facts were against Dakota. But I also knew this was in Heavenly Father’s hands. We needed a miracle!
I believed in miracles. . .

In the next 72 hours I pondered and questioned if I really did have enough faith to believe in a miracle so personal. The words from a parable, “Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief,” (Mark 9) rang in my mind over and over. “. . .help thou mine unbelief.” This became my prayer and my test!
I have been hurt and cried in my life, but I usually don’t just sit and cry. Whatever is wrong, I just get over it and keep moving. For the first time in my life I sat and cried “air sucking” cries, uncontrollable and physically exhausting. I didn’t have any more tears to cry, and I was still crying! I had to pull myself together. I thought of the familiar words in Isaiah describing the Savior: He was “a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.” It hit me, “THIS IS GRIEF!” To watch my lifeless grandson and to hear my daughter’s pleas. . . . this was grief. I knew this was only a little drop of grief for Him, but now I understood a little better His suffering because now I too was acquainted with grief.

“Surely he hath borne our griefs and carried our sorrows. . . ” How could He endure the grief of the whole world? It overwhelmed me!

Then the words, “. . . and with His stripes we are healed.” Wow! What powerful words touched my heart like never before.

“Only He “with his stripes” can understand this grief and relieve me from it. Only He “with his stripes” can strengthen me to help Tessie and Zach. Only He “with his stripes” can allow Dakota to stay here with us or return to Him now.

These were the words that came to my mind as I quit crying: Everything really does depend on Christ. Everything in this life depends on Christ. Everything depends on Christ for hope in the world to come. I knew this in my head, but now it was really reverberating in my heart like it never had before.
Now I needed to Trust in Him.

Another scripture came to mind, “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” I needed to be patient. I needed to trust more and submit my will to His will. His way and his time would be best!

I remembered the parable of the man that was lowered on his bed through the roof by his friends to be healed. Jesus blessed him and said, “Take up thy bed and walk.” The man immediately took up his bed and walked. I believed this story to be true. I believed it could happen for Dakota too. If the Lord wanted Dakota to walk and talk again, Dakota would. But if not, then I still needed to trust that He knew what was best for Dakota and for all of us. I have realized that Dakota is here for us.

In my ponderings, I believe that Dakota knows Jesus personally. In those critical 72 hours I believe he saw heaven, he knew how wonderful it is, and he made a conscious choice to stay here on earth for his parents. Our Heavenly Father and Dakota both heard his mother’s pleadings. He answered that prayer. Dakota knows heaven. What a valiant spirit he is! What a blessing he is to us! He made a sacrifice to stay here and how frustrating it must be for him to watch us make so many mistakes.

The question was never, “Why Us?” The question came to be, “Why NOT Us?”
Why not us to learn the lessons Heavenly Father wanted us to learn?

As I walked the halls of Maricopa County Hospital every day for a month, there were others who were hurting and in such hopeless circumstances. Another child came into ICU because the mother’s boyfriend had injured the child. How my heart hurt for that child to be in such a condition because of abuse. Dakota was loved! When that child left ICU, who would protect, love and help him to heal from his injuries? Other grandma’s couldn’t spend the day at the hospital because they didn’t have a car, or gas for their cars, or the time to be there. My heart became more grateful for what I had and I developed more compassion for those who had other struggles in life.

I walked the halls of Primary Children’s Hospital and realized every child there had a story. They were each unique. Dakota’s story rocked my world, but each parent and grandparent there was dealing with the medical issue at hand, making adjustments, and surviving. It was inspiring! If they could do it, so could I. Why NOT me?

Tessie has always been tough. . . a tough cowgirl, a tough ball player, a tough scholar. But when life threw her a curve, she picked up the ball and threw it back into play. I always knew she was tough; I just didn’t know she would have to be this tough. She has taken motherhood to a whole new level. She is my hero! Dakota is my joy! Zach is my example of daily courage with steadfastness!

Top Ten Things I Learned From Dakota

1. Being with Dakota is near to Heaven.
2. “Why NOT us” to learn the lessons Heavenly Father wants us to learn?
3. Never take one single breath for granted. Cherish each moment together.
4. In the Lord’s time; In the Lord’s way. . . “for my ways are higher than your ways. . .” Isaiah 55:9
5. Christ is Everything! Trust in Him.
6. Eyes to see things that I once took for granted; a more grateful heart.
7. There are still miracles today. . .our miracle is in Dakota’s smile and the light in his eyes.
8. Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be WONDERFUL! Dakota makes life wonderful.
9. God does hear our cries, He is aware of our every desire & He can “help our unbelief”.
10. Everyone has a story. . . . What’s yours?

How I Love my Kota!

Nana, Cinda Winterton

THANK YOU SO MUCH MOM/NANA FOR TEACHING ME HOW TO BE A MOM AND PREPARING ME IN EVERY WAY FOR THIS CRAZY LIFE! THANK YOU FOR LOVING DAKOTA AND SUPPORTING US THROUGH EVERTYHING!
WE LOVE YOU!!!

It is OFFICIAL...

Well...I haven't been on here in awhile for a lot of reasons...but mostly because of the mix of emotions that have been flooding over me the last couple of weeks. I have been unsure of how to express them. Even Zach has been able to tell that I have been a little uptight. For a girl, I would say I am pretty chill. I don't get super emotional over stuff and keep a pretty even temper. But lately things haven't been so even kill for me...and I know it's because so much has been weighing on my mind and heart and I haven't been able to blog and let it all out. (It really is therapy for me...to write it helps me to release it.) Zach will be happier after this I'm sure...hopefully writing about it will bring me back some peace! ;)

As of March 15th Dakota has been a brain injured child longer then he was my healthy little Dakota. He was 2 years, 3 months, and 16 days old when the accident happened. As of today it has been 2 years, 3 months and 34 days. I know to most of you that probably doesn't really matter...and you are probably thinking why would you keep track of THAT! But to me it has been tough to grasp!

Since Dakota's accident I have dreaded March 15th. When we got out of the hospital I had high hopes that he would be back to his old self before this day would come. I NEVER wanted it to come like this and I dreaded every day that it got closer. I often times would find myself counting the days down to know how much closer it was getting.

As I write the tears are flowing...it is SO hard to express what I am feeling inside. I feel like that now that it has been longer like this, that this is how everyone will remember him. I feel like my Dakota (the boy inside of that brain injured body) is going to be forgotten. I find myself forgetting things and that kills me!! Then when a memory comes back I am SO elated AND sad. Sad that that boy isn't with me anymore and probably never will be again in this life! I hate to sound ungrateful...because I love my brain injured child just as much as my healthy boy! But it doesn't mean that I don't long for my healthy boy. As I tucked Dakota in bed tonight and laid next to him...his angelic eyes and sweet smile melted my heart. There are SOOO many things I love about Dakota now that I never would have loved and appreciated had he not had a brain injury...but I long so deeply to hear his little words come out of his mouth again. To just hear the word "MOM" again would heal my broken heart. I miss it SO much!

As this Easter season approached I was so mixed with turmoil between gratitude and sorrow. My heart hurts so deeply that the little boy I once knew is gone but I have felt SO much gratitude for my Savior and my knowledge that this life is not the end. That because my Savior lived and died for me and was resurrected...I will get to see my perfect healthy boy again!

I know that this life is so short compared to the whole scheme of things but when your in the midst of it all...it is hard to comprehend. I AM SO grateful for my Savior and for the power the atonement has to heal my broken heart and to help me overcome the sorrow that has surrounded me the last couple of weeks...heck the last several years!! It is a daily struggle! I said it before in a blog post...I really don't think that "time heals"...it just helps. It is ONLY through our Savior that we can be healed. I'm not totally there yet OBVIOUSLY...but I am working every day to get there.

My cute little 17 year old friend Jessica whom I adore and let's me feel like a teenager again when I am with her ;) sent me this quote tonight as I sat here in tears (she must have been in tune to know I was in need)..."The greatest test of faith is when you don't get what you want, but still you are able to say THANK YOU LORD."
I most definitely didn't get what I wanted in life in many ways...but I am here tonight to say THANK YOU to my Heavenly Father for blessing me with many things...but mostly for the gift of having Dakota still here with me!
I love him deeply even though I miss him.

Where has October gone???

Halloween is right around the corner and I realize whether I like it or not...Fall is here and Winter is knocking on my door.
There are MANY things that I LOVE about Fall but also many that I don't!
I LOVE the BEAUTIFUL leaves ALL over the mountains that change into vibrant red, orange, yellow, and pink. Growing up in AZ we didn't get to experience this beautiful scenery.

I love the holidays, and busting out the decorations to give the house a fresh new look to look at for awhile.

My spooky ghosts I made at girls craft night out...yes this exists! ;)

A little kid came over and drew the stuff on the right..J/K...it was really me but it looks like a kid did it...that's the best of my art abilities! ;)

Should have taken pics before it was all eaten...at least it was a decoration put to good use! ;)

 

It says "Happy Haunting" totally free printable I found off Pinterest. LOVE!!

My fun book pumpkin I copied from my awesome neighbor Alyssa!

Love this cute little pumpkin! (Just covered it with some tights)

This is my MOST favorite decoration of all! Makes me smile EVERY day! He made the CUTEST sheriff I have EVER seen!!!

Busted out old Halloween pics...so fun!!!

 

My ride!

LOVE LOVE my fun pumpkins from the local fruit stand!

 

I love the family and friend time spent with parties and fun. I LOVE the fun fall and winter clothes...that is also something I have didn't get to experience living in AZ. I never even owned a pair of boots (besides cowboy boots) before I moved to South Dakota. Now boots and scarfs are probably some of my most favorite accessories! ;)

I DON'T love that I have to start bundling up to go for a run and busting out the headlamp again. I don't love that the sun doesn't shine quit as much as it used to and give you the warm fuzzy feeling when you walk into it's light. I hate all the germs and sickness that goes around. I hate having to bundle Dakota up to just go for a walk.

He doesn't mind ;)

The hardest of all...is the reminder that THIS is the time of year where my life was changed forever.

Right before Dakota's accident Zach's mom wanted to take Dakota for the evening to get some pictures of him in their Fall leaves before they cleaned them all up. Besides our family pictures they were some of the last taken of him that showed his sweet, sweet face and personality for who he really was. It wasn't til a few months ago that she first showed and gave them to me. She told me to look at them on a day that I was already crying. The first time I looked at them they didn't make me cry...they made me smile. Inside I LOVE to remember him that way even though it hurts. To me...it's as if he is stuck right at that age and that time of life because that is what I remember. It's hard to think that he is really 4 now and that he has grown so much because to me he is still that little boy. Time stopped on November 26, 2010 for me, and even though life is still moving forward and he is still growing up right before my eyes, in a way I can't go on until I see that little boy just like this again.

Oh the many faces!!!!!

 

So grateful Vicki captured this boy so well!!

 

SO back to October cuz that is what I meant this blog post to be about (lucky for me it is MY journal so it can go wherever I want it too! ;) )
Most important happening is that Zach FINALLY caught up to his old lady and turned 28 on the 19th!! As I always say...birthdays should be celebrated ALL week, so we partied it up. The Sunday before his birthday we had a family party with his family.

Our sweet nephew Houston joined our family for the pic...love that kid!

Helped Uncle Zach with the candles

Each day up til his birthday I gave him a little treat. We went out to Chilis a couple days before and got our favorite Molten cake. The night before I made him OUR favorite...chocolate cake with rainbow chip frosting...very fancy I know! ;)

He didn't want to be in the pic...so here is the fancy cake! ;)

The day of his birthday I had to fly out to AZ for my BIG 10 year high school reunion (I know I am a horrible wife) BUT I had a secret spy leave him a piece of Maddox's famous banana cream pie with a letter from me so he would know I was thinking of him. BUT because I have THE SWEETEST husband in the world...he didn't even eat it and saved it for me because he knew how much I love it...he is MOST DEFINITELY a keeper! ;)

Don't worry while I was gone he still got pampered cuz his sweet grandparents took him and Dakota to lunch, his sweet brother and wife took him to dinner that night, AND his sister Jenny took him for a massage the next so REALLY...I'm pretty sure he was just fine without me! :)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZACHARY JAY!!! I LOVE YOU!!!

I was spoiled this month too because my sister Annie and her husband came into town for a quick trip and we got to spend a night with them. Then right after they left my sister Katie came into town for a few days to do some permanent makeup on some people up here and to hang out with her favorite sister! ;) Then not long after that, is when I got to go down to AZ for the weekend to go to my 10 year reunion. SO I have LOVED October! ;)

I got to AZ on Friday and went straight to work helping get ready my family's annual Halloween party. I was SO excited that it fell on the same weekend I was coming. My sister Annie and I set up a rockin haunted house in her garage and there were 5 adults in their scaring the kids at different spots. Let's just say...we did a GREAT job...kids were crying and freaking out...even the 10 year olds! ;)

Nana hiding in her position as a scary witch! ;)

WATCH OUT!!!

 

 Annie planned some fun games for the kids too...she is so creative!

Decorating cookies with Nana

Trying to get the doughnut

Punch the bowl game to get a prize and answer a fun question about yourself

We had some pretty rad costumes if I say so myself! ;)

Yes...that is me! Bob Marley if you didn't know! ;) I LOVED seeing the kids reaction "Tessie...is that you?!" "How did you get your skin like that?"

Dawn was my hippy date that night! Peace and Love!!

Some pirates showed up...too bad Dakota wasn't there with them...he is a pirate this year too!

Masquerade Lady struttin her stuff!

80's workout chic yelling at Areal for eating a cookie! ;)

Batman with his teeth he won!

Captain Andrew...I mean America!

Wonder Woman juicing up!

Some really buff green guys!

That night I had a girl sleepover with all the older girl nieces and my sister Dawn. It was great to have some good ole Dawn time! ;) And niece time!!! :)

The next day I got to watch one niece play soccer and another play softball.

GO SHEA!!!

GO PAIGE!! She got a awesome hit right here...learned from the best! ;)

Then spent all afternoon with my bestie Abbey...getting our nails done, eating some lunch, and a little shopping too! Before we knew it the time had flown by and we were gonna miss the reunion.

She was my hot date since my party pooper husband didn't want to come with me. ;) I didn't blame him since he would know hardly anyone...so I let him off the hook which was probably best for the both of us because then I didn't have to worry all night about him having fun and wanting to leave, instead of enjoying the time talking with old friends.

All ready to go!

It was SO much more fun then I expected. It was pretty laid back and dinner was served from a Taco truck. Everyone just walked around and chit chatted away...took a few pictures and before I knew it it was time to go. It was so good to see so many great people.

Me and some of the clan. I was lame and didn't bust out my camera til the end so hopefully you other ladies out there will pass them around! ;)

 

Back under the Tiger again! ;)

 I have to admit...I can still remember senior year talking to all my friends and totally talking about going to our 10 year reunion. I remember thinking about what I pictured my life being like. Let's just say, it is NOTHING like I EVER imagined it being. I did marry Prince Charming and gave birth to an angel boy but everything else...let's just say I could have done without! :)

Right after I got back from AZ, the next morning at 4:30 A.M. we headed up for a couple days to go deer hunting. To sum up this years hunt...let's just say it made me want to retire my deer hunting career without EVER getting a deer. It was FREEZING, RAINING, WINDY, and to top it off we didn't see even ONE buck. Not even a chance to get excited and make sitting out in the rain and wind thinking I was going to die worth it. And I'm not just being a wimpy girl...Zach and my hunting partner Jake were freezing too and hated it. The one night we slept in the tent we woke up in the night thinking the top was gonna blow over it was blowing so hard. We did have some good laughs, roasted some good ole hot dogs, and enjoyed it the best we could. Let's hope that one of these years I will actually get to shoot something besides a water bottle! ;)

Zach getting ready to roast

Jake my guide

That is my sexy self if you can't tell! ;) 3 layers on my head, 5 layers on top, 3 on my legs, and 2 on my feet, and I still thought I was gonna die!

Our amazing fire that I NEVER wanted to die out.

Me and my husband on our romantic getaway!

 

After pretty much 5 days of being away from Dakota...I was definitely missing him. I know he had a blast with daddy, grammy, Aunt Jenny, and nurse Annette but it was sure nice to snuggle that little bug again! I know I am partial but he has the sweetest and cutest face in the world!! Since I have been back I have seen more smiles and laughs on that boy then I have in a LONG time!! Maybe he just needed a break from his mom!

 

He did have his last day of horse therapy before I left...at least until April. We will miss it!

His last ride he was fussin quite a bit until...he spit up all over the therapists arm and himself...then he was all smiles.

I missed the smiles but at least it's not a sad face!

 

Phew...THE END!