Sunday, September 22, 2013

PURE JOY!

After Dakota’s accident…I didn't know if I would ever feel real joy again in my heart until my little boy was back to his perfect normal self!

After we got home, I worked my hardest doing hours and hours of therapy with him in hopes that this would bring my little boy back.

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Then and only then could Zach and I have the joy that he brought to us back in our lives! We missed his bright smile and sweet voice so much…it was our true source of JOY!!

The first year was so very difficult. The only expression Dakota had was sadness. He looked different and acted so different. All he did was cry and so did we. I often found myself asking God, “Why did you let him stay, if this is how it is going to be?” I couldn’t bear to see him so sad and miserable all the time and I begged…just let him be happy!! I know none of you can comprehend this…but we often thought that maybe it would have been better if he would have passed away.

As he continued to progress we first saw a hint of a smile and that was SOOOO exciting. Since that day Dakota has continued to progress in so many ways.

These last couple months we have seen even more change. It is always hard to describe these changes and progressions because they are so subtle and gradual that they are hard for me to even detect. But he has been more happy, more responsive, more alert, more interactive. I feel like we are finally understanding each other…even though he still can’t talk. I can ask him questions and get more responses either with a smile, a look, or a cry.

He uses those big sparkly eyes and sweet smile to tell us what he is thinking and needing and Zach and I are finally understanding him better and better. Don’t get me wrong…we still have our frustrating moments where neither one of us is getting the other but they are becoming fewer and far between.

This last week as Zach and I have had a lot of time to spend together since his work is slowing down, we have been together as a little family a lot. I have found myself several times just watching or listening to Dakota’s happy laugh, his sweetest smile, and the happiness in Zach’s voice. As I was listening to the happiness in Zach and Dakota while Zach gave him a bath…I felt that PURE JOY once again and I realized…it is back!! Dakota isn't back to his old self, but he is bringing us a source of JOY that I never knew. As I watch and listen I am completely content, happy, and my heart is full of JOY!!


I caught the very end of it so it was toned down a bit. (Don't mind the nudity!) ;)


The saying on the top of my blog that “Life doesn't have to be perfect to be wonderful” is SO true!!! Dakota’s body and mind is still not perfect, Zach is still blind, day to day life is still hard for us…but we are happy and life with these two truly is SO wonderful!!!

Zach and I have had several conversations lately about how much we love Dakota this way. We still miss him and the boy he once was but he is SO much fun and makes us so happy in different ways. We talk about how much we love him and his unique little things that make him so different but so sweet. There truly is a piece of heaven that I can see in his eyes when he smiles. They sparkle differently then they ever did and he has shown me what true JOY is!!

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After almost 3 years of coping with life with a brain injured child and mourning the loss of what once was…I can honestly say…I can feel PURE JOY again!! Heavenly Father in His own time and in His own way has answered my prayers! It took a lot of heartache and a lot of tears to get to this point but that is what this life is all about. He knew I needed to experience the loss of something so great and wonderful to learn to appreciate the simpleness and sweetness that life has to offer. We will never find happiness in the things we can buy…it is found right in our own simple little homes with the people we love!! If Dakota who can’t do much of anything on his own and truly deserves to complain can feel and show real happiness and joy…then we ALL can feel it!!! Find the joy in your life and SAVOR those moments!!

16 comments:

  1. I just started following your blog after your guest post on The Sullengers blog and have to say that I loved this post so so much. "He knew I needed to experience the loss of something so great and wonderful to learn to appreciate the simpleness and sweetness that life has to offer. We will never find happiness in the things we can buy…it is found right in our own simple little homes with the people we love!! " That part really touched me in such an amazing profound way. I am so happy your family has found the happiness in life again. You are amazing parents and Dakota is one amazing boy!!

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    1. B thank you SO SO much for taking the time to read this and leave this sweet comment!! So happy that this was post able to touch you! It is so true and we all need to be reminded to find joy in the small and simple things!

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  2. Tessie- he is so precious. What a true little piece of heaven you have right here on earth.

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    1. Thank you SO much Andria for this sweet comment! He is a piece of heaven!!!

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  3. This is darling Tessie:) Such sweet moments that will always stick with you. From an outsiders point of view, he has come so far and you can tell that he hears and understands you. It is written all over his face how much he loves his mom and dad and how much he is growing as a person. He looks happy & healthy. You guys are growing together quite beautifully:)

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    1. Thank you SO much Hollie!! I love outsiders points of view because you see things with new and fresh eyes that I don't see...so thank you for sharing!!

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  4. Watching that makes me smile! Love him and you, thanks for sharing, I needed it!

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  5. Hi Tessie! I have read your blog for such a long time but I have never commented. I have known your family for a while(I went to school with Annie and my folks used to own Higley Feed). You are such an amazing person and you guys are such an amazing family! It makes my heart so so happy to watch these videos of Dakota. Your determination, and commitment to Dakota and Zach is really inspiring. Just seeing your posts and pics of Dakota can totally change my attitude and brigten my day. Thanks for sharing your family with all of us!

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    1. Sara you are too sweet! Thank you so much for taking the time to leave this sweet comment! It is such a small world! That means so much to me that Dakota's sweet smile could touch someone else (besides his parents) hearts so much! Thank you for sharing this!!

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  6. Hi Tessie, Just today a friend shared this article about his brother who was brain injured at 2 years old. He is 29 years old and it looks like joy is definitely part of his life and his family's life. Reading your post today made me want to share this with you. http://magicvalley.com/news/local/an-artist-finds-his-voice-through-painting/article_57189846-f956-529a-9aca-08faf868f585.html

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    1. Cathy thank you so much for taking the time to share this article! I lOVE hearing about others stories that are similar...especially when they are happy and inspiring. I so look forward to reading this!!

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  7. Tessie you and your family are amazing. thank you for sharing your life and your story. You are truly a remarkable woman, wife and mother.

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    1. Cherisa thank you thank you!!! I don't feel that remarkable but I appreciate you thinking that of me! ;)

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