As I walked up to the doors my heart was racing and I felt almost anxious. It was really weird. As I walked in and saw the sweet temple workers there to greet me I couldn't hold back the tears. I was like seriously Tessie...already?! I just felt this overwhelming feeling "welcome home." The temple is obviously not my "home" but I felt that sense of peace, love, and safety that you feel when you are home. It was as if the Lord himself was standing there greeting me and saying..."I'm so glad you finally came. I have been waiting for you and am so happy to see you." I knew that this is where I needed to be.
As I waited for the session to start I opened up the scriptures and at one point happened across D&C 98:1-3. "Verily I say unto you my friends, fear not, let your hearts be comforted; yea rejoice evermore, and in everything give thanks; Waiting patiently on the Lord for your prayers have entered into the ears of the Lord, and are recorded with this seal and testament- the Lord hath sworn and decreed that they shall be granted. Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been afflicted shall work together for your good, and to my name's glory, saith the Lord.
I knew the Lord has heard every one of my millions of prayers and pleas although at times I have felt like maybe he wasn't listening to ME or maybe he doesn't care about ME. As I sat in the celestial room and poured my heart out I felt like he was right there next to me just listening to every single word. I know that no matter where you pray He hears you but for some reason in there I felt like He was closer and listening even more then He ever has. I knew my prayers "have entered into the ears of the Lord" and one day they will all be fulfilled. I can't wait when all of these afflictions will "work together for my good." I am learning more about patience and trust then ever before and I can never let go of the faith and hope that is in my heart because when I do I am filled with despair.
I was the last one in the celestial room and I'm sure the temple worker was a little worried about me but I didn't want to leave. I felt for a little while that all of my burdens and worries that weigh me down every day were just lifted off me for a bit...not gone...they were still sitting next to me on the couch but I didn't have to hold them for awhile and it felt good. I didn't want to leave because I didn't want to pick them up again. If they would have let me I would have brought my blow up mattress and just slept there overnight if I could. :)
As I eventually got the courage to leave, walking out those doors my circumstances hadn't changed a bit but I felt stronger and more determined to take on this crazy life I'm living. I even thought for a second "bring it on...I can do this. I can do hard things." At least for awhile. :)
What a great post, Tessie! I'm so glad you were able to find some time to go and set your burdens aside for a moment. The Lord hears your prayers and all the prayers that are said for you and your family. I'd like to set up a bed and sleep over at the Temple too! ;)
ReplyDeleteI always find strength in your postings Tessie. I love you and know that you are going to do better than "make it through," you are going to fight the fight and do an amazing job for Dakota. Even when times are hard, know that God is with you. I always found comfort in the "footprints" poem when I was in the hospital with the boys for those long 4 months. Paraphrased it ends, "why Lord when I needed you the most do I only see one set of footprints in the sand..why did you leave me?" "I would never leave you my son, when you see one set of footprints it was then that I carried you." His love for us is never-ending!
ReplyDelete:) Tess,
ReplyDeleteAwesome post! We love you guys!
That post gave me goose bumps Tessie! Most of yours do but this one hit really close to home right now! Kaedan, Carter, and I are going to be baptized on June 25th and we are so excited!! I'm so excited for when I'm able to go to the temple! I love the amazing feeling that surrounds me when I go to church, do the missionary lessons, and read the scriptures and pray! I just know the temple will be unbelievably amazing! Your faith and testimony have truly inspired me! What an amazing feeling to know that amidst your trials, you are doing everything you should be in the eyes of the Lord! One day (hopefully sooner rather than later) sweet little Dakota will be the sweet little Dakota you remember and long for. I can't imagine going through the trials you're experiencing without the gospel and your faith. So happy you were able to set your burdens aside and feel peace and happiness for those moments. You are so deserving of that and so much more! You have the sweetest family and we will continue to keep you in our prayers!
ReplyDeleteTessie, our family misses your sweet family. We are only across the street and yet it has been so long since we have seen you. I miss our boys playing. And us:) Do you remember that one day when my family was outside and I think I was sanding down those drawers or whatever and you were dressing Dakota in his bedroom and Dakota saw Tanner outside? I remember he kept calling out the window hi to Tanner and I think he said some other stuff too but I just remember how cute it was that he kept wanting to talk to Tanner across the street through the window! I miss having his sweet person in my home. We pray most everyday for your family to receive the desires of your heart. Let me know if you ever need anything. We are often here and we are always happy to help.
ReplyDeleteThank You! As always we pray for you and Dakota.
ReplyDeleteI love this post. Love and miss you guys! :)
ReplyDeleteI love how you described your burdens "sitting next to (you) on the couch"! :o) I'm so glad you got to have this opportunity! I hope it will give you strength in the hard times!!! Thank you for sharing!!
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