BABY LOVE!! Q/A

So we had the wonderful opportunity to FINALLY get to Idaho to meet my new niece Tori that is 7 weeks old!

We had never even been to my brother’s house and seen where they lived although we have wanted to really bad. We have wanted to but it is a 5 hour drive from our house and it’s not really practical for a day trip and it is A LOT of work to pack Dakota’s stuff up for a night so we hadn’t made it out there.
They blessed their baby on Sunday so it was the perfect excuse to finally make the trip. I had been dying to snuggle that new baby…pictures just aren’t the same!!

I love her!!!
My cute parents flew into Ogden Friday and then Saturday morning we hit the road to make the trek up there. It was SO nice to have my parents with us…1. for the wonderful company & 2. so I didn’t have to drive!!!! It was magical just being a passenger again…I took a couple naps, did some reading, and just enjoyed every minute of it! ;)

I got to sit by Dakota and hold hands!!! ;)
There place was gorgeous…lot’s of land…so fun to finally get to see it! Tori was even more gorgeous in person!!
Dakota got to be the very first cousin to meet Tori! I think he loved her!!!

It really shows how big he is!! :( I still think he is my “baby” but obviously he is no longer a baby!!! Boo!!!
I also got to see 2 of my sisters!!!! YAY!! Always a good time!!

You can tell which one is our sister in law…she has height!! I am wearing some pretty decent heels and she is in flats!

All of my family that could make it! Sure love these guys!!
My brother did such a good job on the blessing! He truly is such a cute dad! It is so fun to see him as a dad. Him and I are only 14 months apart so we grew up best friends and worst enemies! We had fist fights, wrestled, laughed, and played together. To see him now as a dad brings out his soft and sweet side and I love it!!!

Such a handsome fell! ;)
Dakota even got to go for a ride with Papa!!
 
Can you see that little grin!! ;)
So on to the Q&A…When (or are we) going to ever have another baby???
I get asked this question ALL the time. Many people are nervous to ask me…others are very forward. I totally don’t mind getting asked this question. It is a legitimate question. Dakota is turning 5 this week…it’s been a LONG time since I had a baby!!!
It is been a roller coaster ride for Zach and I at the thought of having another child. Right before Dakota’s accident I was finally starting to feel that baby hungry mommy urge to have another kid. Dakota was 2 years and 3 months. Zach on the other hand was still struggling with the loss of his sight and the stress of being a blind provider. He also struggled with the thought that if we had another baby now, he would never know what they looked like. I know that might not sound like a big deal to all of you who get to see your precious children’s faces daily but for him it was hard enough to no longer see Dakota’s sweet face let alone another child who he had NEVER before seen. At least with Dakota he knew what he looked like before he went blind and he could picture his sweet face in his mind! SO of course I didn’t want to push the desire I had on Zach when the stress level was already high.
Then, when Dakota was in the hospital I had a whirlwind of emotion. When we were unsure in the beginning if he would live or die…the thought that I might not be a mom anymore literally killed me. I couldn’t fathom the idea that this precious gift of motherhood could so easily be ripped right out of my hands and I could be left with nothing. I was ready that very day to have another child just thinking about it. But obviously in that type of setting nothing of that sort was even close to happening. ;)
As we got home and started to see what the reality of living with a brain injured child was like (that first year was INCREDIBLY hard) the thought of having another child didn’t even have time to enter either of our minds. We were just in survival mode trying to figure this all out and trying to manage cares for Dakota. There would have literally been NO WAY possible to even babysit another child let alone have one!!
Dakota has changed a lot since his accident and now things are feeling a lot more manageable…not easy by any means but definitely better compared to where we have been. He is happier, sleeping better, needs less meds and less total round the clock tending to, etc.
SO…the thought of having another child has definitely been brought up…but there is still a huge roller coaster of do’s and don’ts associated with it.
Zach is still our sole provider and he is STILL blind and that is not changing. Owning your own business is stressful and there are good times and bad so the thought of having to provide for another little person without a consistent income stresses him out. He doesn’t have the luxury that other men have that if it doesn’t go well he can easily find something else…he is blind and limited on what he can do. On top of just the money to care for another kid…being a small business owner means we don’t have great maternity coverage so we would have to come up with a lot of money to even have a kid. We basically pay all the costs and insurance is there if something were to go wrong.
We both have fears that we won’t be able to physically and emotionally handle it. Dakota still requires SO much that the alone time we get is much needed and to throw another child in the mix would make it a lot harder. I fear that being big and pregnant I won’t be able to physically carry and take care of Dakota. I still want Dakota to get all the therapy and attention he so desperately needs and having a baby would make that so hard. I wonder how in the world I will go anywhere with Dakota and a baby. I will probably never leave my house and go insane for the first 2 years of it’s life!! I like taking Dakota to the park and pool and doing normal kid stuff with him because he is a kid but with a baby I’m not sure how I could do it on my own. I fear about the lack of sleep and how I will function. I still get up with Dakota at least once in the night and unlike other kids I don’t think that will ever change. It’s not something he will most likely grow out of, so to continually get up with him and a newborn just freaks me out. I am pretty emotional when I am lacking in sleep.
Zach has the fear that something bad will happen if we have another baby. I don’t blame him…our odds are 2 out of 3! I don’t like to live in fear so I don’t worry about that but I will pray my guts out if we ever decide to and hope and pray that Heavenly Father wouldn’t do that to me!!! But…it will be his plan not mine so who knows!!
BUT on the other hand…we both SO desperately miss the sound of a little child in our home. One that talks and runs pitter patter across the floor and tells you they love you!! Zach is always saying, “I need another little voice in my life.”
I also think that eventually Dakota will really enjoy having a sibling and I want that for him. I think having another kid around would bring him joy and excitement that adults just can’t give him.
I look at our future and see that although it will be INCREDIBLY hard at first I don’t want to miss out on all of the parenting firsts…like playing t-ball, driving, dating, marriage…and of course grandkids. As much as I wish Dakota could give me all of that that he can’t (he give me so much more in other ways) and I don’t want to be old and grey and regret never having another.
I’m also not getting any younger. I’m turning 30 in February and it only gets harder to get pregnant the older you get. So I fear if we wait too long it will be too late.
So…the answer to that question is still not clear. We both still want at least 1 more…maybe 2 or 3…we will take it 1 child at a time BUT we both need to be on the same page about it and feeling like it is the right time and that we can do this because it will for sure be hard! No doubt about it!! So the timing of WHEN that will be is still completely unsure!!

Q & A #2: You seriously dress so cute. I’m curious to where your favorite places are to shop?
First of all…thank you for this incredible compliment!!! I do LOVE to shop and sometimes I wonder if I have issues! ;) I can’t walk into ANY store that has ANY types of clothing without glancing over in my department. FOR REALS! Whether I’m at Walmart or Nordstroms I am looking as I walk whether I mean to or not or whether I need anything or not. Let’s face it though girls…who really “NEEDS” anything!? ;)
I love the difference between Zach and I. Zach literally will not by ANY clothes until ALL of his pants have holes literally in the butt and are now inappropriate to where or until his shirts have holes in them or no longer “fit right.”
Me on the other hand…I think I NEED something ALL the time and you better believe if I see a sale or a “good deal” that TOTALLY means it’s a need…RIGHT?!
No…I’m not THAT out of control but I truly do ENJOY probably more then I should buying clothes/shoes/accessories or whatever. I love creating new outfits and trying new things. It’s like a hobby!! ;) LOL
So to answer your question I literally will shop anywhere! I have had some good finds even at Walmart…not that that is where I do majority of my shopping but I just always keep my eyes open for something that catches my eye.
The places that I can go and guarantee I can usually find something I love are: Downeast, Target, Old Navy, Nordstroms Rack (more in my price range although Nordstroms does have some good finds), T.J. Max, H&M, Forever 21.
I love to shop around local boutiques or stores that have unique finds. If I am in ANY new place I always like to shop around stores I have never heard of just to see what I can find.
I’m not a huge online shopper for clothes since I like to try them on but I have found a skirt and accessories on AndRuby that I have loved.
Hope that answers your question…if you ever want to know where I bought something specific that I am wearing in a picture leave me a comment and I would be more then happy to reply!!

Q&A

 1. This is totally off the topic, but where did you get your entertainment center? It is EXACTLY what I have been looking, a tiny spot for the TV, and SO many good shelves for all of the cute holiday decorations.

We got our entertainment center at IKEA probably 5 years ago. It has been fun with all the shelves to put things in but it wasn't made out of the nicest material. It has already gotten a lot of scratches and dents in it just from regular wear and tear. I am ready to distress it up some more and repaint it to give it a little more spice since I cant afford to buy something new.

2. I saw the bra costume off pinterest, but couldn't figure out how to make it! How did you fashion yours to look so good?
 

Our costume was seriously so easy and took just a few minutes. We bought some big bouncy balls at Walmart for a few bucks a piece and 3 yards of fabric. I literally just took the fabric and wrapped it around Zach in the shape I wanted it to be. I cut the side to make it more like a bra shape and cut the strap and tied it all together in the back. If you saw the fabric not on, it looked so randomly shaped.  I'm sure there is a better way to do it but I was just trying to do it in a hurry and it worked out good enough. We only kept it on for the very first of the party since its not really ideal to hold Dakota with a rack that big! ;) Hope that helps.

Q & A...FINALLY

I told you I might be slow but I will answer! ;)

1. "I'm studying to be a SLP (speech language pathologist) and have been very interested in all the swallowing therapy that your little man gets. Is Ms. Vicki an O.T. (occupational therapist) or a S.L.P.? Is this at Primary Children's Medical Center?"

Ms. Vicki (who we LOVE) is a SLP. She has taken a lot of extra classes in pediatric swallowing and that is her main focus. She does not have any extra certification because to become a specialist in swallowing the only certification focuses on adult swallowing and she was most wanting to work with children. So instead of getting that extra certification she just took extra classes in the pediatric swallowing and has been doing it now for a long time. She actually works for Utah State University in Logan and runs a clinic there as well as teaches classes. During the school year we have students that work with her and Dakota as part of their hands on stuff. It is fun and they are great but I really see the biggest improvements with Dakota when she works with him alone in the summer. Can't say enough about her!! Before we started working with her everyone told me she is the best in northern Utah. Don't have anything to compare her to but we sure like her! If you would like to contact her and get more info I'm sure she would be happy to talk to you...just let me know! Good luck with your studies!


2. I keep dreaming of running...any tips on getting started? Really, just start?

So many people tell me what a great runner I am and that they could NEVER do a marathon let alone run a 5k...but the truth is honestly ANYONE can! You would be amazed at the variety of people you see...all shapes, sizes, ages, athleticism, etc at the start line of a marathon. I remember being shocked at my first one because I was SO nervous...can I really do this??? Then seeing old men, bigger woman, literally HUGEST variety of people up there and I thought...if they can do it I can do it. I still remember a guy probably in his late 50's or 60's telling someone he runs a marathon EVERY MONTH!! What?! I thought HOW does his body keep up with that??

Getting over that mental block of "I can't do it" or "it's too hard" or "it hurts" is the biggest challenge to become a runner. Trust me...it's still hard for me, it still hurts me...but I do it anyways. Believe in yourself. I didn't really start running (besides being forced to in sports) until I was done with college ball. I still remember my first 10k (6 miles) thinking "I can't believe I just ran 6 miles...that is SO far!) Now that is just an average day of running. I felt the same thing about a half and thought I could NEVER run a full...run that twice...that's for CRAZY people. Now I'm that crazy person! Some days you feel great, other days you think you are gonna die...it's normal. I think the first couple miles are ALWAYS the hardest because your body hasn't warmed up. So don't give up after the first mile...keep going...push through. The farther you get and the faster you become...you will build up confidence in yourself and get better and better...you seriously just have to believe. (I know that sounds so lame but it is true). Be consistent. If I take a week or two off it is a struggle to get back to where I was before that. If you think you are going to get better at it if you run sometimes, stop for awhile and go back you won't. It won't get any easier! Start with a couple miles and if you HAVE to stop then walk for a second but TRY your hardest to push through...even if you have to go slow. You will feel SO good and be SO happy when you finish!

Some people say I love to run! I don't LOVE running. I love the feeling I get when I am done. I love the way it makes me feel the rest of the day. I love the energy it gives me. I love being outside and talking with the girls as I run...sometimes it is my therapy in 2 ways! ;) I think finding someone to do it with you is great too if you can. You can push each other and help each other...and when you talk you forget about the pain.

Hope this is helpful. I'm no running coach...this is from Tessie chapter 11 and maybe what works for me won't work for everyone! ;)

Q & A/ Dakota update

So, are computer has been out for the last few weeks and it has been so hard. Computers...I love them but I hate them!! I have been able to still get on the Internet and check things on Dakota's Ipad but I hate typing on that thing so that is why my blog has been so quiet lately. I have missed it and now I have A LOT to update so the posts are gonna be flying off the hook for awhile til I catch up on life! ;) (yes I said it...flying off the hook...I am so gangsta!)

Anyways so my first real Q & A:

I just found your blog and have been reading back through some old posts. I don't have time to read everything, so I would love a summary of where Dakota is now in his recovery and what progress he has made. I am also interested to know more about your husband's blindness--how it happened, how much vision he lost, etc.

This has been something that I have wanted to fix for awhile but am not sure how. I realize for someone that doesn't know us at all and just gets on my blog, it is a little lengthy and confusing to get the big picture of what we are all about but I don't have the technological skill to figure out how to organize it to make it a little more reader and user friendly. So I am reaching out and turning this Q&A post back on my readers for help. If anyone has any ideas or know hows, how to make it very easy and clear about Dakota's accident/story, Zach's blindness, etc easy to understand and see when a first timer gets on here I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE some help or input.

I have thought about tabs on top but have NO idea how people do that...I am very limited on my computer skills here. If you read my first ever blog you will know I only have this blog because my awesome friend Abbey set it all up for me and all I had to do is type and add pictures. I have learned a little more since then but not much!

I know I am WAY overdue on updating about my Dakota man (so thank you for asking that question and forcing me to bite the bullet)...I have been meaning to for a long time now but it's one of those posts that I know would take me awhile to get it done so I kept putting it off for a day that I would have time...and for some reason that day never comes so I'm just gonna bite the bullet and get it done!!

(So here is the answer for the first part of the question about Dakota. The second part about Zach I will hopefully answer later when I revamp this blog...it will come I promise!)

Over the past few months we have continued to see some great improvements that have brought us a lot of joy.

One of my most favorites that I have prayed for continually is more interaction and eye contact. He has really evolved in this area. He now will look at you when you talk and play with him and even smile back at you if you are funny enough or he is in the mood. ;) I missed that communication and interaction. I have longed for a feeling of connection with him again and I feel like it is finally coming around slowly but surely. He melts my heart when he looks at me with those BIG, GORGEOUS eyes and gives me his most handsome smile! Those moments are truly what get me through each day. I can tell he is listening and understanding most of what we say even though he can't communicate back to me. Sometimes when I am talking to someone else about what he is doing or girls at school or something that he likes he will give a big cheeser like (yup she's talking bout me). Last night Zach got home from working (yes he started back last week and I miss him being home already!) and when he walked out of the room Dakota and I were in Dakota started crying. I said, "do you want daddy?" and he immediately stopped crying and just looked at me like yes! When Zach came in he smiled and then Zach was holding him on one couch and I was on the luv sac across the room. Dakota kept looking over at me and then making a sad face to Zach. Zach said, "do you want us to go sit by mommy?" He stopped his sad face immediately and smiled and looked at me. Zach came over and sat with me on the bean bag and Dakota just smiled like...yes...you got it! I can't imagine how frustrated that little mind is in there not being able to just use his words to tell us what he wants like he used to. But his eye contact and interactions with us are improving and that is way more important to me then if he ever walks again. I want to have that connection with us. I want him to be able to communicate with us, understand us, and just be happy. He is a lot more happy...smiling and laughing more and more...and like any parent...all I want is to know that he is happy!

We took him to go visit Zach's grandma the other day and he was SO cute with her. We put him in the bed next to her and I didn't think he would stay there very long but he totally just snuggled up next to her and was just chillin

Snugglin and happy

Just chillin and relaxin

Another huge thing is he is finally getting the rolling down and he is pretty proud of himself for that...and so is his mommy! He can't do a full log roll yet but he rolls from his tummy, to his side, to his front, back to his side, and back to his tummy. If he keeps his arm underneath his body when he rolls to his tummy he can make it back over to his back without much trouble. If he pulls his arm out from under him then he gets stuck. He will just lift his head and legs up and try to roll but is stuck (like superman). I am trying to teach him to bring his arms up by his head to get unstuck and he seems to be trying to more now but hasn't totally caught on.

Made it to his side

To his tummy

Headed back to his back

Stuck in Superman

Still proud of himself

Some more capturing the process...doing it even while he eats...that is skill baby!!

(One time he rolled so far over he pulled the whole g-tube out of his stomach while eating. We have to watch him a little more carefully when he eats not ;) )

going

going

got it!

The whole rolling thing is amazing though. He could roll from his tummy to back for a long time now but never from his back to tummy. Every once in awhile he would accidentally do it but it was a very rare moment and you could tell he wasn't quite sure how he did that. Then he seemed to do it purposefully a couple times and one morning he did it like 10 times in a row and then didn't do it for a couple weeks. Now it is like an all day thing. If you lay him on the ground he will almost always try to roll over immediately and he sometimes gets, this grin on his face like...yup...I'm the man...I can do this all by myself. I think it must feel so good to him to be able to do something with his body that he wants to do. He is still not coordinated with his hands and movements to grab toys and play like I know his little mind wants to do, so to be able to move his body how he wants has to feel pretty dang good. Imagine you being trapped in your body...not being able to move, grab things, itch, or whatever but wanting to so bad.

He is also moving his arms around a lot more and will reach up to something that I hold but still not super coordinated enough to have the control to grab it.

He started occupational therapy again up at Cache kids where he has his physical therapy. They are really cute and do fun things with him there but he sees OT and PT every other week so it's not enough to really change anything...it is still all up to us of course.

Swinging with PT

He LOVES the swing!

Working on his baseball skills

GOT IT

He loves going upside down on this ball...not sure why but he smiles every time!

OT making him use his legs to push him back.

So we still do his NACD therapy every day. I have my most AMAZING daily helpers/volunteers that come over every week to help me try and get all that I can in because most of his therapy program I need 4 hands and I only have 2 unfortunately. These woman that help me are amazing and Dakota and I truly couldn't do it without them. It is therapy for me too...I must confess...because I get some adult conversation while we do it and they probably hear and know more about me then they want to. ;) I enjoy the company though.

Making him hold his crawl position.

 Zach says I am a slave driver because I am ALWAYS doing therapy...but someones gotta do it and he never wants to be the bad guy so it is up to me. (I need more pics of the other things we do...this is an old one as you can see the Christmas tree in the background. Trust me my Christmas tree is not still up...although it wouldn't surprise me if it was ;) )

Zach just likes to do the fun stuff like snuggle and take naps together!

You can't blame him though! It looks pretty comfy and cozy to me!

And playing in the bath!

He is getting a lot stronger with his sit to stand which is of course building those leg muscles. When he wants to he pushes a lot better with his crawling exercises and is getting a lot more smooth with it. (Just like all kids he has days where he just doesn't want to do it and those days are a little frustrating but I understand he is a 3 year old and that is just how a 3 year old is). We started using pixie sticks as motivation...when he reaches the end of the crawling he gets a little taste and that has seemed to help motivate him. Kids love their candy! Overall, he has gained a lot more strength throughout  his whole body. He holds his head up a lot stronger but still doesn't quite have enough control to keep it up all the time but it has gotten much better.

We still go to swallow therapy in Logan once a week and he LOVES that! He gets lots of treats and is getting better at swallowing and sucking. Still has a way to go but improving none the less!

As far as the trach goes he is still capped all day (so breathing on his own, not using the trach) so that is great. Unfortunately he is still needing suctioned 1-3 times a day so we can't get the trach out until he can cough it all out on his own and no longer needs suctioned. He is coughing stronger and more often but for some reason he doesn't get it all up. Not totally sure why...if it's too thick, if trach is in the way of some of it, or what. He does keep his O2 (oxygen) stats up all day though so we don't have to suction him because of his o2 stats...more just because he coughs and coughs and it doesn't all clear and then he gets frustrated or if he is going to bed and I don't want all that staying in his lungs.

Not sure why but he is still needing oxygen most nights which means I am up 1-2 times a night turning it on at some point in the night or fixing the humidifier that he has knocked off of his trach.

He is still sleeping pretty good for the most part but waking up earlier lately. He still has nights (like the last week) where he will wake up in the night for some reason but for the most part he doesn't cry or anything just hangs out and moves around some and then goes back to sleep by himself so I don't have to get up with him...just check on him, change his diaper, suction him if he needs it, reposition him in bed, and then I go back to bed. Did I mention I LOVE sleep. I don't get a ton of it but I love it and need it or the emotions really shine through! ;) Whenever Zach and I think back to those months when his sleep cycle was SOOOO off...we really aren't sure how we survived those months. There were LOTS of tears and emotions and life was really crazy. I don't even like to think about it, but when I do it does make me grateful for where we are at today!

He is still liking preschool the 2 days that he goes and the girls are still loving him! ;) It makes me so happy that the kids are still so sweet and receptive to him especially because he cant give much back to them except his most amazing smile...which is killer I'm sure to the ladies! ;) His school nurses have told me that other kids that they go to school with, the other kids in their class and even teachers just kind of ignore them and expect the nurse to just do everything which is not there job. That makes me sad for those kids but SO grateful that Dakota has had great teachers and friends at school.

We have been able to get him off most of the meds he was on to where now he is on only 3 and one is just Prevacid that he will always have to have as long as he has the g-tube just to protect it.

In case you can't remember he was once on all of these!

So we have come a long way with that which is so nice. I'm not one of those anti-medicine people but I feel a lot better knowing that he doesn't have to have so much crap going into his body and affecting it in so many ways. Some of these he has been able to get off of just as his brain has healed and he has gotten better and some of the he has been able to get off of just from me making him healthy real food instead of the cans of formula he was on. We are hoping to start weaning him off of another one here pretty soon too!

We also received some exciting news last week that we are finally at the top of the list with the Medicaid waiver to get respite hours. Medicaid has a program for families with kids with trachs or on ventilators to receive free nursing hours to help give families a break. They can only have so many kids on it at a time so we have been on the waiting list since Dakota's accident. I didn't really ever think much about it because I hoped he would have the trach out by the time we would ever get it, so it wouldn't do much for us. Unfortunately we still have the trach but we can now have respite hours. So right now we get 40 hours a month to use however we want...during the day or night, date nights, or even if we wanted to go on vacation for a few days. The best part about it is I get to use the nursing company that goes to school with him and I LOVE his nurses and he seems to like them too. I feel completely comfortable leaving Dakota with them whereas the nurses we had at night in the beginning I would have never felt comfortable leaving Dakota alone with them. So it is great news. I am excited to be able to go to the temple more and just have a little time to myself knowing Dakota is in good hands...especially since Zach is working again and won't be around as much to help out. (I even get to go to woman's conference this year with all my sisters and mom!!! Can't wait!)

Zach started back to aerating this week and in mid April will start the landscaping full swing. He works really hard and long hours all summer so it will be nice to know I have help if I need it (not that the Friedlis don't help us out a ton already but I feel bad ALWAYS having to go to them).

Every day is still a little unpredictable with this kid. Just when we think we got a good pattern going on he throws us a curve ball and changes things up on us. He is always keeping us on our toes but we love him to death! We are so proud if his every accomplishment and continue to hope and pray for SO many more to come!

WE LOVE YOU BUDDY!! KEEP GETTING STRONGER!

Daddy wants to wrestle you in the grass again!

Q & A

So...I have been thinking bout this for awhile. I know I'm not the best writer...I know there are a lot of gaps in the things I write about from one thing to the next and sometimes I forget to go back and finish or continue to write about things that I previously wrote about. Things just make a lot more sense in my head then how I write them. So...when my family or close friends ask me questions about things with Dakota or us that I thought they already knew...then I really realize how much I leave out in talking to people or on my blog that probably leave a lot of unanswered questions out there.

So...I personally LOVE when bloggers do Q & A's (question and answer) posts because sometimes I have questions that I want answered or other people ask awesome questions that I hadn't thought about and I love to read them. So, since I am not horribly good at commenting back to people in the comments section I thought I would try my best to do posts on any questions people have whether it's about Dakota, his accident, his therapy, Zach's blindness, life in general, my insanity, what I had for breakfast ;), ANYTHING!! I am a little slow at getting to my posts....I always have a backlog of things that I need to write about but I will answer them as they come in...eventually. :) I LOVE all the comments from all of the amazing people out there...ones I know and ones I don't! I read and love them all so please know that I appreciate the love and support given by EVERYONE!!!

So my first Q & A was actually asked in person to me by a friend and neighbor. She asked specifically for me to write a blog about this because she thought there was probably many others who had this same question...so here it goes. She was so sweet and sincere when she asked me this and I appreciated that she would really care to know this...so thank you!! (I won't write your name cuz I'm not sure if she wanted to be known or not...but you know who you are and I love ya)!

She asked me: How do you want people to treat you and Dakota? She said that when she is going though tough times she doesn't really like people to talk to her so she wasn't sure how I felt...did I want people to come up and talk to me if they saw me, are we still worried about Dakota and germs so do we not want people touching him, or inviting him places???

This was a very interesting question to think about because it has changed over time since Dakota's accident. I thought by going through the different stages we have gone through with this it might help others who are trying to help others going through a difficult time...but the hardest thing about it all is everyone is a little different...even between just  Zach and I.

When Dakota was in the hospital it was a VERY intense time for us as you can imagine. We DESPERATELY needed our parents by our sides almost always but we also of course needed times alone together and alone with Dakota. Both of our parents were amazing to ALWAYS be there when we needed them but give us alone time when we needed it as well. Zach's siblings weren't close since the accident happened in AZ so my siblings came almost every day to see us and that meant a lot to me. I needed them at moments more then anyone else. Mostly at that point we didn't want to see many people because we were so emotional. There were a few very special people from my parents ward that I grew up with that came to offer prayers around Dakota with us and participate in priesthood blessings. That was VERY much needed and appreciated and I still remember the words Elder Lesuer said to Zach and I..."Do you have faith?" That was it. Simply spoken but powerful. Make you think kind of words. My old visiting teaching companion in my home ward who I just LOVE and adore (Lori Lyman) came by just to sing to Dakota and hold his hand. She didn't even let Zach and I stay and listen she just wanted to be alone with Dakota and that also meant so much. We got A LOT of texts during that time and those meant a whole lot to us! A few friends stopped by for quick visits, hugs, and gifts for Dakota and us. Even when you didn't think you wanted to talk...the hugs felt SO good to me. A hug was worth a million bucks during those times and I'm not even really a hugger. Many things were sent to us by loving friends and family that were back in UT and those also meant a lot to us. They were a way of showing how many people loved, cared, and were thinking about us but yet we didn't have to have that face to face interaction.

When we first saw and hung out with friends I think I felt a little anxiety at first. It's like we almost felt like we were different people now in a way and that no one would be able to understand us anymore or like we couldn't relate to them anymore. But it was nothing like that. We felt a deep and sincere love by many and seeing other people shed tears for us (not that I wanted them too) but it made me realize they really did care about my little boy and they wanted to help. After the initial first seeing them (remember it had been months since we had seen them) that fear went away and we enjoyed their company again.

Going to our home ward for the first time was a lot of those same feelings. We knew people would wanna come talk to us but there was that same sense of fear. We didn't take Dakota for a long time so we didn't have to worry bout germs, it was just our own insecurities. I remember being completely fine and then my friend and Dakota's nursery teacher came up and talked to me in the hall with tears in her eyes and I lost it. But it was okay...I felt her love and I felt okay to cry in front of her.

At this point in our lives, a lot has changed and as time has gone on obviously some wounds have healed, the tears don't come quite as often, Dakota has progressed a lot, so feelings are different. Zach and I are totally different though. Zach used to be a very social guy when we were dating and slowly has become more of a homebody since we have been married and especially since his blindness and Dakota's accident. He doesn't care much for social gatherings or talking to people although when you are around him you would never be able to tell. He is so fun and outgoing and a blast to be around and is so good at talking to anyone and everyone but yet he would rather just be home talking to me and Dakota. (Maybe we am just that fun?! ;) ) Where me on the other hand I love going out and doing things with friends or whatever. I am a total fun haver so if anything fun is going on, even if it involves talking to people, I am there although I am a little shy around people I don't know well so it's kinda weird. Dakota, is doing much, much better in a lot of ways so we are not so afraid as we used to be to take him places or have him around other kids. He LOVES and I LOVE when kids and adults are not afraid to come up to him, talk to him, and touch him. I remember the first time we took him to church, cute Pam Parson came up to him and kissed him right on the forehead. That meant so much to Zach and I that she wasn't afraid of him and just showed that she loved him no matter what. That is what I love most about his school. There are a few girls there that just love him. They hug him, kiss him, hold his hand, and just play with him and I am SO grateful for that. I understand that some kids personalities are more fearful of him and I TOTALLY understand that as well. Just seeing the difference between his cousins lets me see that that is just how it is. Some of them are all over him and others are a little more standoffish and that's ok. For him I just want him to be treated like a kid. I want him to be involved as much as he can with any kid activities. Obviously there are some things he just can't do but as his mom I want him to be able to experience being a kid as much as he can...because I know that little 3 year old boy is in there dying to just be himself but his body won't let him. I often try and think how frustrated and upset he must get that he can't do or tell me what he wants. I want people and kids to feel comfortable asking questions about Dakota so that they can understand him and not be afraid of him.

The biggest thing is that we want to be treated like any normal person. Obviously we are not normal ;) but we would like to be treated that way. We don't want anyone to come talk to us just because of what we have gone through and they feel like they need to be nice to us...we just want sincerity. If you really wanna know how Dakota is doing or how we are doing that is just fine to ask but I don't want anyone to ever feel like they have to ask to be nice. I don't know if that makes sense...but sincerity is the key word. I have ran into people that I have never met in the store that read my blog and they have been some of the most sincere people I have ever met talking to me and crying with me but yet I have never met them...but I appreciate them.

So, all in all...just keep it real! ;)