Today marks the 2 year anniversary of the day my little world was shattered to pieces. Thinking back to that day makes me physically nauseous. It's the day my perfect, healthy boy sacrificed his little body and brain to teach his mom and dad and SO many others around him how to appreciate the little things, how to love more deeply, and how much we need our Savior Jesus Christ in our lives.
I didn't think it would affect me too much today...it's just another day. Every day when I look at Dakota I am reminded of that day...why would November 26th change anything? But it has been different already. I shed a few tears of sadness but mostly I just wanted to hold Dakota a little tighter, kiss him a little more, and just appreciate his sweet face.
Every day is still a challenge to cope and handle what we have been given, BUT I have learned a lot along the way and today I am grateful more then ever to have my sweet little Dakota to hug and hold.
I think he knew that this was gonna be hard time for his mom because this last week and a half he has been EXTREMELY happy and sweet and SO fun to be around. He knew I needed it now more then ever. He is the smartest and sweetest little angel I have and ever will meet.
The other day Zach (who is not always the most positive thinker) told me...I started thinking...if Dakota turned back to the healthy boy that he once was today...would I miss anything from the way he is now? He said YES I would! So if there is something to miss...their is something to be grateful for! Then ended with...it's easier said then done.
It is SO true. Even though I still desperately miss my active, healthy, and playful boy...there are SO many things about the way he is now that I love. It's a different kind of love that I can't even describe. But my heart is full with love and gratitude for HIM!!
My sweetest friend whom I met only because of Dakota sent me this AMAZING poem and necklace. She said not to open it til today...I was tempted ;) but waited and I'm SO grateful I did!
It has a D, an angel wing, a cowboy boot, and his birth stone!
IN LOVE!! THANK YOU JENELL!!!
I have to share the poem she gave me because it is PERFECTLY written for my brave little Dakota. I truly believe he chose to suffer for me and anyone else whose lives have crossed his path...so PLEASE read it and cry with me! ;)
Not too long ago in Heaven there was a little soul who took wonder in observing the world. He especially enjoyed the love he saw there and often expressed this joy with God. One day however the little soul was sad, for on this day he saw suffering in the world. He approached God and sadly asked "Why do bad things happen; why is there suffering in the world?" God paused for a moment and replied, "Little soul, do not be sad, for the suffering you see, unlocks the love in people's hearts." The little soul was confused. "What do you mean?" he asked. God replied, "Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences and they become motivated by love alone."
The little soul began to understand and listened attentively as God continued. "The suffering soul unlocks the love in people's hearts much like the sun and rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their heart, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this- it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer- to unlock this love- to create this miracle for the good of all humanity."
Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could hardly contain himself. With his wings fluttering, bouncing up and down, the little soul excitedly replied, "I am brave; let me go! I would like to go into the world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people's harts! I want to create that miracle!"
God smiled and said, "You area brave soul I know, and thus I will grant your request. But even though you are very brave you will not be able to do this alone. I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey. Those souls will help you create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering. Two of these souls are most special and will care for you, help you and suffer along with you, far beyond the others. They have already chosen a name for you."
God and the brave soul shared a smile, and then embraced. In parting, God said, "Do not forget little soul that I will be with you always. Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength. And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed."
Thus at that moment the brave soul was born into the world, and through his suffering and God's strength, he unlocked the goodness and love in people's hearts. For so many people dropped their differences and come together to show their love. Priorities became properly aligned. People gave from their hearts. Those that were always too busy found time. Many began new spiritual journeys, and some regained lost faith- many came back to God. Parents hugged their children tighter. Friends and family grew closer. Old friends got together and new friendships were made. Distant family reunited, and every family spent more time together. Everyone prayed. Peace and love reigned. Lives changed forever. It was good. The world was a better place. The miracle had happened. God was pleased.
THANK YOU MY BRAVE LITTLE DAKOTA...FOR SUFFERING FOR ME!! I ALWAYS HAVE KNOWN YOU ARE SO MUCH BRAVER, STRONGER, SMARTER, SWEETER, AND LOVING THEN ME! THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME BE YOUR MOM!! I LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK...AND THEN SOME MORE!!!!
I ran across this video as I was searching for something. It was when Dakota was just barely 1! Had to share it because I love that sweet face and laugh!!