"Somebody should have caught him"...are the words that echo in my mind as I end my Christmas day. They are the words spoken by my sweet, humble innocent 5 year old nephew to his mom tonight as he so curiously and lovingly stared at Dakota as I got him ready for bed tonight asking very inquisitive questions. He is the second child to speak those words to me since Dakota's accident. They don't offend me or hurt my feelings in any way because I know they are spoken with only the sincerity, humility, honesty, and love that a child has.
But as I ponder on those words they are what my heart longs for. Why couldn't that fence have fallen on him when an adult was nearby? Why couldn't one of his older cousins have been there to help him or get help instead of his innocent 1 year old cousin who was playing so innocently by him when I found him?Why couldn't I have checked on him sooner? SOMEBODY SHOULD HAVE CAUGHT HIM!" I feel that same way and I don't understand why it had to happen.
This Christmas day and every day for that matter could have been so much different. Tears tonight and sitting in church wouldn't have filled my eyes today if somebody would have caught him. Instead of tears of sadness I could have felt feelings of excitement, anticipation, and pure joy today if somebody just would have caught him. Don't get me wrong it wasn't all a sad day...we had some great fun with my wonderful family but I'm not gonna lie...it was so hard to see all of my nieces and nephews SO excited and talking about everything they got and love. When you have your first baby those first couple Christmas' are not too exciting until they really start to understand. This would have been that year for us...his first Christmas that we got to experience the pure joy and excitement that a child brings into your life but it wasn't, because nobody was there to catch him.
I know everything happens for a reason and that we were given this trial to learn and grow but I still haven't gained that full insight and understanding of it all yet so it is still really hard to bear. Especially going through Zach's vision loss and then this. We were still trying to learn and grow from that trial when this happened so it is all just a huge mess of confusion that we are still trying to wrap our minds around. After Zach's vision loss Dakota was his light in the darkness. He could make Zach laugh and smile on some of his "darkest" days. So as you can imagine this has been so hard to handle for him. When he couldn't see the sweet details of Dakota's face anymore he at least had the sound of his cute voice and laughs so it was as if he could still see his sweet face. To have that taken from him too, is hard to bear.
We are still so grateful for each new day with Dakota but I just wish SOMEBODY COULD HAVE CAUGHT HIM!
Ohhh sweet girl. Dakota IS the JOY of Christmas. He is what our Lord and savior would have us all be like on Christmas Day. PEACEFUL. I wish I could BLog hug you and my little Cowboy! Heres to a New Year....Almost. =)
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine what you are feeling. It must be so hard. But I could not help but read your post and think to myself "but you DID catch him!" In order to catch someone, they have to fall first. You have done such a great job since the accident. You are a spiritual giant and I admire your strength, love and bravery.
ReplyDeleteSome things in life are so confusing. There are so many "Why's" and "What-if's". My heart hurts for your trials. I know that you must have been pretty valiant in the pre-existence to be handed this. You give so much to people, people who you barely know even (like me). You give us the courage to "gird up our loins" and take one step at a time. You are an inspiration to me and so many others. I wish you a very happy new year. One with just as much, if not more, progress for Dakota. He is such a fighter! xoxo
Hi, you don't know me but I came across your blog through the Loosli family. I've seen your blog before and you have always inspired me. Your strength and faith are amazing and your sweet little boy is so blessed to have you both as loving parents. My husband and I lost our little boy 3 weeks ago. He was born on December 7 and was completely healthy. 4 hours after he was born he started to make a painful cry and was taken for tests. The next day we found out he had Group B Strep(which I tested negative for partially because my doctor tested me at 32 weeks instead of 35-37 weeks) It had spread into a blood infection because it wasn't caught soon enough. He fought so hard and was hooked up to every machine possible. His sweet little heart gave out on Monday December 12. This week I have struggled the most with everything. The "Why's" and "What ifs" haunt me every second of every day. Especially after finding out the signs the nurses could have looked for that he was showing in those early hours of life and he would still be here with me had someone been aware of the simple signs for Group B Strep infection in a newborn. I'm so sorry your little boy has to go through all of these struggles as well as you and your husband. Your family is in our prayers. If you'd like an invite to our family blog email me at stephanieworthy@live.com.
ReplyDeleteI wish someone could have caught him too!!! But then maybe I wouldn't have been able to spend time with you both on Fridays. :) Being with you and Dakota is a blessing in my life. Thank you.
ReplyDeletegreat post.
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