I’m ALIVE and CRAZY!!

I am still alive!!! (Thanks to you couple followers that commented and said you were worried about me cuz it has been so long! I appreciate that! ;)) It has been so long since I have been able to sit down and write a post! I have missed it!! There are a few reasons why I have been MIA…

1. Just straight up busy. Seems like there is never enough time in a day…EVER!! (Can’t imagine what throwing a new baby in the mix will be like!)

2. We were in sunny AZ for Christmas for 10 days and how can you sit down at a computer when you could be laying and playing outside in the sun?? We definitely spent as much of our days as we could outside and with friends and family…loving every minute. (more to come on our trip later!)


I even got Zach to ride horses with us! It was hilarious!! He says he would rather ride something with a motor! ;) Dakota definitely doesn’t get his cowboy from his dad! ;)

3. I have had such a mix of emotions over this last month from highs to lows to everything in between that I haven’t even known how to express it. The few times I did sit down to write I couldn’t put into words what I was feeling so I just gave up.

I feel like December was such a happy and sad month for me! I LOVE Christmas time and I LOVE the spirit that it brings! I love the happiness, excitement, the love, the kindness, the generosity, and just the plain old goodness that Christmas brings! It is a joyful time and I definitely spent my time leading up to Christmas reflecting on the true meaning of Christmas. Since Christmas at our house is A LOT different then most, it is easier to remember the true meaning of Christmas. As much as I wish Dakota could show excitement about Santa, the Elf on the Shelf, Rudolph and the reindeer and all of the things that make Christmas so magical for little kids…he doesn't. (Although he did give Santa a big ole smile when Grammy and Poppy took him to see him at the Willard Bay lights!)


The fact that our Christmas is so different then everyone else's used to make me sad. I used to feel like I was missing out. Now I have come to accept and even enjoy a little bit the fact that I don’t have any distractions from the true meaning of Christmas. Dakota actually has taught ME how important this day really is…to celebrate the life of our Savior, his birth, his great example, and his death! And because of that greatest gift…I will one day get the best gift ever…to see my little boy run into my arms again and tell me that he loves me!! And to see my husband be able to see again the beauties that are all around him.

I loved Elder Holland's talk last conference when he talked about this great day he said, “I bear witness of that day when loved ones whom we knew to have disabilities in mortality will stand before us glorified and grand, breathtakingly perfect in body and mind. What a thrilling moment that will be! I do not know whether we will be happier for ourselves that we have witnessed such a miracle or happier for them that they are fully perfect and finally “free at last.”” Oh man…I can’t wait!!!

So this Christmas I had some of my highest highs reflecting on what a sacrifice God made for us to allow his Son Jesus Christ to come to earth…to be born in such a evil world…knowing how much he would have to suffer and endure and one day die…all so that we can live again!! How grateful I am for that most unselfish and loving gift this Christmas season and EVERY day!!

Although I had my highest of highs…my lows came because at the times when we were celebrating this greatest holiday with family and fun…Dakota man would be so ornery and crying. I don’t know why or what it was but it seemed like every activity that should have been so fun and happy (and all the other kids were so excited and happy) Dakota was out of control crying and mad!!! I just wanted to crawl into his little head and figure out what was going on. Overall, Dakota is SO much happier and content then he has ever been since his accident but when it comes to planning specific activities sometimes he loses it and I can’t figure out what it is or when it will happen!

Zach and I have described these moments to each other as “leaving our bubble.” We love our life and accept the changes that have come with it when we are home as a family and there is no one to compare what a “normal” life is like to. But when we step outside to an activity that involves “normal” and Dakota is so ornery when every other kid his age is having fun…then we realize how different and “hard” our life really is! We all the sudden find ourselves comparing what life should or could look like and how much easier and freeing it would be to just be “normal” again.

For me it took being on the Polar Express train. My cutest parents took Dakota and I along with my nephew Sutton to Flagstaff (which is a few hours away) to have special time together on a Polar Express train. I was SO excited and looking forward to it! I had never been and I thought this would be something Dakota could do and enjoy!!


Getting ready to board!


All Aboard!!! We are ready to go!!!

It is just a little train that treats you like you are on the “real” Polar Express. You get hot chocolate and cookies. They read the Polar Express to you and then you sing Christmas carols while they take you to the North Pole. You get to look out your window and see Santa in his sleigh. Then at the end Santa gets on the train and gives you your magic bell. Sounds SO fun right?! It was for ALL the other kids and their parents. As I sat there watching the kids sing and dance in the aisles as their parents videoed them with huge smiles on their faces I couldn't help but well up with tears as I held Dakota, stiff as a board and screaming crying for no apparent reason.

It’s times like those when I think…who am I kidding?? Why did I think this would be fun?! This happened not just on the train but opening Christmas presents with the Friedli’s, doing a nativity story with the Friedli’s, exchanging presents with Winterton cousins, etc. All of the other grand kids were happy and excited for these events as they should be…and Dakota…stiff and crying! I don’t expect him to have the same reactions as the other kids but to just see him content would be nice! Maybe one smile?!

But don’t get me wrong…it wasn't all sad…it was just such a strange mix which made December so hard and wonderful at the same time!!

I think pregnancy and the stresses of life are just getting to me too! ;) Dang hormones! I’m allowed to blame it on that right?!

Our life is all just kinda up in the air which creates more stress then normal. We decided out of the blue at the end of November that we should put our house up for sale!!! We LOVE our house and where we live but our house has a split level entry and outside and inside their are just way too many stairs to be realistic with Dakota. So far he has been little enough we haven’t worried but as he is growing and only going to keep growing…we realize this house is not gonna work much longer. So we just listed it ourselves without a realtor since we aren't in a big rush and want to try and get what we want out of it. BUT the big question we keep getting…where are you going to go?? is stressing me right out because we have NO idea!!!! Who puts their house up for sale and has no idea where they are going?! Oh just the crazy Friedli’s!!! We would LOVE to stay in Perry because we love it here but if Zach keeps working at this new job in West Haven it is not realistic to stay here! He carpools down to work each morning but then me, my cute friend Jina, and Zach’s parent’s and grandparents take turns bringing him home from work each day. I am SO grateful for their help that they give us BUT it would be a lot easier on everyone if we just lived closer.

We also would LOVE to build a custom home for Dakota. That is our dream one day. One with EVERYTHING on one level, wide hallways, a bigger room with lots of closet and storage space for all of his medical supplies, a bigger bathroom with a better setup, and just a house with a lot more room and openness so that he can be involved wherever we are. But as much as we want to just start building that today we don’t feel like financially it is the smartest decision quite yet so we will probably just try and find a home that is mostly one level (which is hard to do in UT). Since we don’t know where we are going we might have to rent until we figure that out…depending on how fast our home sells.

So…there is SO much up in the air right now and then bringing a baby in the mix of it all in May just makes life even more interesting! ;)

So basically to sum this random post up CRAZINESS is all I have to say!!! I am still alive but CRAZIER then ever! ;) But hey…life wouldn’t be any fun if it didn’t have a little crazy in it…right?!