Thursday, April 19, 2012

Getting Better

So...I apologize for my last venting post. But sometimes I have to let it out to get over it and unfortunately for all of you this is where I do it. It's easier to type and cry then talk and cry so SORRY! But I can't thank ALL of you enough for the prayers, sweet comments, prayers, text messages, prayers, flowers, prayers, encouragement, prayers, support, prayers, love, and did I say prayers offered in our behalf after that post. I know they were answered because that very next day was SO much better and since then it has gotten a little better and a little more. I still don't have my happy go lucky boy but the crying and screaming is a lot less often compared to all day and the spasticity has gone down too. He will snuggle me again contently and he has even given a few smiles and little giggles again. I can't tell you what even 1 smile a day does for Zach and I. Both of us have just been SO much more happy and content ourselves because Dakota has been. His mood TOTALLY affects ours dramatically. So THANK YOU!!!!!!! I know Heavenly Father hears our cries even at times when I doubt!

This is a video of his REALLY happy days that we had awhile back. You couldn't stop this kid from smiling and laughing if you wanted to. I hope we get back to there. This laugh...although so different from his old laugh is music to my ears and can brighten my day more then the sun!!!

One more because it is just SO cute! Don't mind me I just got home from a LONG run and am sweaty and disgusting! (Dakota still loves me though...stinky, sweaty, and all!)

After I watched these videos it got me different is his laugh then it used to be. I know it is way different but I wanted to remember so I started watching some old videos of him and I couldn't stop. Surprisingly I didn't cry while I watched I just sat there and smiled. It felt SO good to remember who is inside of this little boy that I care for every day. I have SO many memories that flood my mind every day but yet I still's so hard to explain. I don't ever want to forget but sometimes it hurts to remember. Zach came in while I was watching and he just bawled. He said for him it is easier to not think about the past and just focus on the now...but they made me smile. Later that night was a different story. As I laid in bed and watched the old videos in my head...I looked at his cute face sleeping on our video monitor and it hurt a little more. I wished I would wake up to the sound of his cute voice again saying..."Mooooommy!" Then go in his room and see him standing in his crib with his blanket in his mouth. ONE DAY I WILL THOUGH! Until then...I will remember and be grateful for every smile and laugh that I get!

WARNING: You are about to view the cutest boy on the planet!!!!
He was about a 1 1/2 in this video. Playing with Grammy!

This is just 2 months before his accident...LOVE YOU BUDDY!!! Can't wait to play like this again someday!!!


  1. I enjoyed watching the video's. Dakota is lucky to have you, and he's such a cute kid. I'm watching them made you smile. :)

  2. P.S. Did you ever figure out how to add the pages?

  3. I love this. You can't help but smile when you see him smile. He is so cute. I agree. He is so lucky to have you and Zach to live him. :)

  4. Well lets just say that here I am at working watching these videos and I cant help but well up with happy tears!! (my co-workers probable think im a nut) but they too always as me how Dakota is doing! The happiness you can see and hear through these videos is so amazing!! You and Z are doing a beautful job:) Thanks so much for sharing these videos, such inspiration!!

  5. I love these videos! That laugh is so cute! He is such a lucky, lucky boy to have amazing parents! :) Miss you guys!

  6. You and Zach are doing an amazing job. Your strength and perseverance is teaching so many others. Your heart for God's wisdom is evident everytime you post and I imagine everyday. Your son loves being with his mom and dad and although being in heaven is something we can't fathom...he is here and the laugh he let out shows how happy you make him and his time with you can't be replaced.

  7. Tess what sweet videos!! Loved watching them all! You guys are awesome!!

  8. PS this post reminded me of a quote my mom gave all of us for Christmas to hang in our houses. It was from a talk in their stake conference by a visiting general authority's wife. She was talking about the widow who fed the prophet Elijah, from her empty barrel of flower. She talked about how the widow had to be grateful everyday for her handful of flower to get another, the next day and that she had faith to be grateful for it. You guys are amazing and perfect examples of that kind of faith!

    "Be grateful for the day's handful!"

    Janice Zwick