Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Does Time Really Heal?!

Did that boy really exist???

This is what I thought as I passed this last family picture we had taken before the accident. I look at that picture every day as I walk down the hallway and look at that sweet face. Tonight the tears came I had a "moment" as I looked at it as I carried Dakota to bed.

I remember that day so well but yet it doesn't feel real anymore. As I stared at old pictures on his wall as I sang him his nightly song I remembered that boy in those pictures...

 but he didn't seem real.

I have thought a lot about the saying "Time heals all things" lately. As we gathered at sweet Gage's grave site today to release balloons on the 1 year anniversary of his leaving us...I heard someone behind me say...it will get easier now that it's been a year...time helps heal...I kinda wanted to turn around and say...NO IT DOESN'T! I know they meant it with great intentions but to me...I don't think it does.

I think time HELPS but it doesn't HEAL....at least for me. The more time has passed I have learned to cope and handle things better. I have accepted the way things are and have gotten used to it BUT the more time that passes the more this little boy doesn't seem to have existed.

The more time that passes it is another day I don't get to hear his voice or see him run. The more time that passes is another day that I MISS him and I feel like I am losing him. The more time that passes I start to worry that I will never get to see him take a step again, or see him even pick up a toy, or say mommy, or kiss me.

The same goes with Zach's eyesight. Sure it was A LOT harder in the beginning and as time has passed we have adjusted to life with 1 driver, and have learned how to get by with what sight Zach does have but it doesn't mean it doesn't completely SUCK! It doesn't mean that there aren't days where I get SO sick of driving and I just want to sit in the passenger seat just one time. It doesn't mean sometimes Zach still cries because he can't drive himself somewhere like everybody else. He still gets frustrated that it takes him FOREVER to find something or do something that is so easy for everyone else. He still runs into things and gets pissed and every day is still really hard. Easier but still hard.

It's been almost 3 years since Zach lost his sight and 1 year and 7 months since Dakota's accident and time has not healed...at least not yet!


  1. I love how honest you are! I love it because its gotta be true. I will never know how you feel, and im so so sorry that you guys have to do this. I drove through Perry today, stopping to get gas, and thought of you and your little family. I wanted to find out where you were just so I could give you guys a hug and tell you how incredibly inspiring you are. SERIOUSLY. My lack of faith gets smacked in my face every time I read your words. Knowing I could have it much harder. I love ya T!

  2. You are an amazing person Tessie. I talk about you a lot when someone is saying how hard they have it. You are an inspiration to MANY!! I too love how honest and true you are. Sometimes you read about someone's trials and you think "man, they are much stronger than I am"...I think you are truly one of the strongest people I know!

  3. Oh we sure love you guys and pray for you!

  4. Tessie, You are my hero! Ive said it before but I dont think you can hear that enough...lol I KNOW God has BIG things for the Friedli family!The Lord is using you in so many ways and someday we will all get to see the BIG picture. Love you darlin!

  5. I love what Emmi said! God has such big plans for you three! It really doesn't matter how much we say it, but you guys are blessing the lives around you so much more than you will ever realize. Your really amazing examples. When I read your post it made me cry because your so happy and have such a great attitude if anyone deserves a miracle it's you guys, why it hasn't happened yet I don't understand but God does and really your patients and "long suffering" doesn't make any sense to me, mostly because I don't know how I could do it, but I do know that God's time will unfold and he will unfold at the same time his plan for you. You guys are awesome! We love you!

  6. Oh Tessie,
    I can't tell you how many times I have started tomwritema
    Comment on your blog and have stopped short, because what could I say that would inspire you on a tough day, or let you know that my thoughts and prayers are always with you?!? I love you and wish I could just come see you and give you a big reassuring hug! I want you to know that when I have been faced with my hardest times these last two years, you have helped me get through in a way that I am sure I will never have a chance to repay you for, but if I could I would everyday! I miss my preschool buddy! I still remember when you first told Jodi and I about Zach- and when you came back Engaged! We were so excited for you!! I love you and miss you more than words can say!!! Andrea