Wednesday, August 7, 2013


So we had the wonderful opportunity to FINALLY get to Idaho to meet my new niece Tori that is 7 weeks old!
We had never even been to my brother’s house and seen where they lived although we have wanted to really bad. We have wanted to but it is a 5 hour drive from our house and it’s not really practical for a day trip and it is A LOT of work to pack Dakota’s stuff up for a night so we hadn’t made it out there.
They blessed their baby on Sunday so it was the perfect excuse to finally make the trip. I had been dying to snuggle that new baby…pictures just aren’t the same!!
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I love her!!!
My cute parents flew into Ogden Friday and then Saturday morning we hit the road to make the trek up there. It was SO nice to have my parents with us…1. for the wonderful company & 2. so I didn’t have to drive!!!! It was magical just being a passenger again…I took a couple naps, did some reading, and just enjoyed every minute of it! ;)
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I got to sit by Dakota and hold hands!!! ;)
There place was gorgeous…lot’s of land…so fun to finally get to see it! Tori was even more gorgeous in person!!
Dakota got to be the very first cousin to meet Tori! I think he loved her!!!
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It really shows how big he is!! :( I still think he is my “baby” but obviously he is no longer a baby!!! Boo!!!
I also got to see 2 of my sisters!!!! YAY!! Always a good time!!
You can tell which one is our sister in law…she has height!! I am wearing some pretty decent heels and she is in flats!
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All of my family that could make it! Sure love these guys!!
My brother did such a good job on the blessing! He truly is such a cute dad! It is so fun to see him as a dad. Him and I are only 14 months apart so we grew up best friends and worst enemies! We had fist fights, wrestled, laughed, and played together. To see him now as a dad brings out his soft and sweet side and I love it!!!
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Such a handsome fell! ;)
Dakota even got to go for a ride with Papa!!
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Can you see that little grin!! ;)
So on to the Q&A…When (or are we) going to ever have another baby???
I get asked this question ALL the time. Many people are nervous to ask me…others are very forward. I totally don’t mind getting asked this question. It is a legitimate question. Dakota is turning 5 this week…it’s been a LONG time since I had a baby!!!
It is been a roller coaster ride for Zach and I at the thought of having another child. Right before Dakota’s accident I was finally starting to feel that baby hungry mommy urge to have another kid. Dakota was 2 years and 3 months. Zach on the other hand was still struggling with the loss of his sight and the stress of being a blind provider. He also struggled with the thought that if we had another baby now, he would never know what they looked like. I know that might not sound like a big deal to all of you who get to see your precious children’s faces daily but for him it was hard enough to no longer see Dakota’s sweet face let alone another child who he had NEVER before seen. At least with Dakota he knew what he looked like before he went blind and he could picture his sweet face in his mind! SO of course I didn’t want to push the desire I had on Zach when the stress level was already high.
Then, when Dakota was in the hospital I had a whirlwind of emotion. When we were unsure in the beginning if he would live or die…the thought that I might not be a mom anymore literally killed me. I couldn’t fathom the idea that this precious gift of motherhood could so easily be ripped right out of my hands and I could be left with nothing. I was ready that very day to have another child just thinking about it. But obviously in that type of setting nothing of that sort was even close to happening. ;)
As we got home and started to see what the reality of living with a brain injured child was like (that first year was INCREDIBLY hard) the thought of having another child didn’t even have time to enter either of our minds. We were just in survival mode trying to figure this all out and trying to manage cares for Dakota. There would have literally been NO WAY possible to even babysit another child let alone have one!!
Dakota has changed a lot since his accident and now things are feeling a lot more manageable…not easy by any means but definitely better compared to where we have been. He is happier, sleeping better, needs less meds and less total round the clock tending to, etc.
SO…the thought of having another child has definitely been brought up…but there is still a huge roller coaster of do’s and don’ts associated with it.
Zach is still our sole provider and he is STILL blind and that is not changing. Owning your own business is stressful and there are good times and bad so the thought of having to provide for another little person without a consistent income stresses him out. He doesn’t have the luxury that other men have that if it doesn’t go well he can easily find something else…he is blind and limited on what he can do. On top of just the money to care for another kid…being a small business owner means we don’t have great maternity coverage so we would have to come up with a lot of money to even have a kid. We basically pay all the costs and insurance is there if something were to go wrong.
We both have fears that we won’t be able to physically and emotionally handle it. Dakota still requires SO much that the alone time we get is much needed and to throw another child in the mix would make it a lot harder. I fear that being big and pregnant I won’t be able to physically carry and take care of Dakota. I still want Dakota to get all the therapy and attention he so desperately needs and having a baby would make that so hard. I wonder how in the world I will go anywhere with Dakota and a baby. I will probably never leave my house and go insane for the first 2 years of it’s life!! I like taking Dakota to the park and pool and doing normal kid stuff with him because he is a kid but with a baby I’m not sure how I could do it on my own. I fear about the lack of sleep and how I will function. I still get up with Dakota at least once in the night and unlike other kids I don’t think that will ever change. It’s not something he will most likely grow out of, so to continually get up with him and a newborn just freaks me out. I am pretty emotional when I am lacking in sleep.
Zach has the fear that something bad will happen if we have another baby. I don’t blame him…our odds are 2 out of 3! I don’t like to live in fear so I don’t worry about that but I will pray my guts out if we ever decide to and hope and pray that Heavenly Father wouldn’t do that to me!!! But…it will be his plan not mine so who knows!!
BUT on the other hand…we both SO desperately miss the sound of a little child in our home. One that talks and runs pitter patter across the floor and tells you they love you!! Zach is always saying, “I need another little voice in my life.”
I also think that eventually Dakota will really enjoy having a sibling and I want that for him. I think having another kid around would bring him joy and excitement that adults just can’t give him.
I look at our future and see that although it will be INCREDIBLY hard at first I don’t want to miss out on all of the parenting firsts…like playing t-ball, driving, dating, marriage…and of course grandkids. As much as I wish Dakota could give me all of that that he can’t (he give me so much more in other ways) and I don’t want to be old and grey and regret never having another.
I’m also not getting any younger. I’m turning 30 in February and it only gets harder to get pregnant the older you get. So I fear if we wait too long it will be too late.
So…the answer to that question is still not clear. We both still want at least 1 more…maybe 2 or 3…we will take it 1 child at a time BUT we both need to be on the same page about it and feeling like it is the right time and that we can do this because it will for sure be hard! No doubt about it!! So the timing of WHEN that will be is still completely unsure!!

Q & A #2: You seriously dress so cute. I’m curious to where your favorite places are to shop?
First of all…thank you for this incredible compliment!!! I do LOVE to shop and sometimes I wonder if I have issues! ;) I can’t walk into ANY store that has ANY types of clothing without glancing over in my department. FOR REALS! Whether I’m at Walmart or Nordstroms I am looking as I walk whether I mean to or not or whether I need anything or not. Let’s face it though girls…who really “NEEDS” anything!? ;)
I love the difference between Zach and I. Zach literally will not by ANY clothes until ALL of his pants have holes literally in the butt and are now inappropriate to where or until his shirts have holes in them or no longer “fit right.”
Me on the other hand…I think I NEED something ALL the time and you better believe if I see a sale or a “good deal” that TOTALLY means it’s a need…RIGHT?!
No…I’m not THAT out of control but I truly do ENJOY probably more then I should buying clothes/shoes/accessories or whatever. I love creating new outfits and trying new things. It’s like a hobby!! ;) LOL
So to answer your question I literally will shop anywhere! I have had some good finds even at Walmart…not that that is where I do majority of my shopping but I just always keep my eyes open for something that catches my eye.
The places that I can go and guarantee I can usually find something I love are: Downeast, Target, Old Navy, Nordstroms Rack (more in my price range although Nordstroms does have some good finds), T.J. Max, H&M, Forever 21.
I love to shop around local boutiques or stores that have unique finds. If I am in ANY new place I always like to shop around stores I have never heard of just to see what I can find.
I’m not a huge online shopper for clothes since I like to try them on but I have found a skirt and accessories on AndRuby that I have loved.
Hope that answers your question…if you ever want to know where I bought something specific that I am wearing in a picture leave me a comment and I would be more then happy to reply!!


  1. I love that you addressed this issue. We get this a lot too... only it's: "you really think you can handle all this and a baby?" Aye. Hard to think about handling it all... but I feel it would be worth it.
    Also YES your clothes are really cute. :)


    1. can TOTALLY do it! Of course it would not be easy...anyone having a baby is not easy...especially in our circumstances but you guys would TOTALLY love it and I'm sure it would bring you SO much joy...along with extra challenges that I KNOW YOU could handle!!! When the time is right you will know! That's what I pray "know" when that time is! ;) Thank you!!!!

  2. You don't know me but your post hits close to home. My son was born with special needs that are never going away. He's 2 now but I still get up at night with him, sometimes 5-6 times. He can be hospitalized at a moments notice and requires tons of care at home. We always get asked if/when we are having another baby too. I would LOVE to have a million more babies but it truly is a huge decision. Good luck to you!

    1. Oh Amanda...thank you SO SO much for your sweet, sincere, and understanding comment! I'm so sorry that you have all of that on your plate too! No one understands how difficult it really is until you are living it!! When the time is right for both of us we will know! Until then...keep up the good work and know that your plan doesn't have to look like everyone elses. It took me awhile to accept that just because everyone else is having their second and third child didn't mean that I was doing something wrong. I had to do what was best for "my" family and I pray for Heavenly Father's help to help guide me along this path that I know nothing about!! Good luck to YOU!!!

  3. Can I just say (as you already know) how amazing your husband is to be such a great provider, blind?!! I mean, so many people would let that stop them from being successful, but he isn't! I have a daughter who is 3 (not special needs) and people ask me all the time when we will have another.

    1. Anonymous thank you so much for this sweet comment!! it is VERY true...I do have an amazing husband but it is always a great reminder to appreciate how amazing he really is! I am so blessed that he is such a hard worker and so dedicated to providing for our family despite how hard it really is! Thank you for seeing it too!